Originally Published: January 28, 2022 Last Updated: February 2024
The morning sun streams through your window, bringing with it a chance for change. Every new day offers an opportunity to transform your life, to choose a different path. I know this firsthand because I have stood exactly where you might be standing now - at the crossroads of staying in an unfulfilling marriage or taking that first brave step toward change.
Today, I wake up beside my loving husband, surrounded by the joyful chaos of our two wonderful children. This life, this happiness - it all started with one decision. One step forward into the unknown. As a divorce coach, I've witnessed countless clients transform their lives just as I did, but I understand the weight of that first step. Understanding When It's Time To Divorce
Katie was a much needed consultant for me! I did not know anything about what the divorce process would be like. She was there for me EVERY step of the way!! Thank you, Katie! ~Sheryl S, Dunlap, Illinois The True Cost Of Waiting To Divorce
Katie was so wonderful! During what started out as a very stressful time in my life she helped me stay grounded and focused on the end result which was what was best for me and my family. She offered good advice and made herself available to talk and reassure me! Emotional Journey and Common Fears of Divorce
Breaking Free From Divorce Myths
The Power of Professional Support
Success Stories That Light the Way
I think about Sarah, who came to me terrified of financial ruin. Today, she runs her own successful business. Or Maria, who worried she'd never co-parent effectively with her ex - now they're a model of healthy post-divorce parenting. These women, like you, just needed someone to help them take that first step. Read more testimonials from past clients and see how their lives were transformed!
Your Divorce Journey Begins Here
The future you desire might be just one decision away. As someone who has walked this path both personally and professionally, I can tell you that what lies ahead often surpasses our wildest dreams. The unknown isn't your enemy - it's fertile ground for new possibilities.
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Originally published in 2022. Updated in 2025 with new book recommendations. Why Books Matter During Divorce RecoveryDivorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional journey. The right books can: ✔️ Provide emotional support during difficult moments ✔️ Offer practical strategies for co-parenting and personal growth ✔️ Inspire you to redefine your future with confidence Below are some of my top book recommendations for healing after divorce and creating a new, empowered chapter in your life. By purchasing through the links, I may earn commission as an Amazon Associate. Feel free to look for them at your local library! Books for Children Coping with DivorceAges 0-5 (Helping Young Children Understand Divorce)
Ages 5-10 (Helping Elementary-Age Kids Process Divorce)
Ages 10-12 (Helping Preteens Cope with Divorce)
Teenagers (Helping Teens Navigate Divorce)
Books for Adults Going Through DivorceWomen Going Through Divorce (Empowerment & Healing)
Men Going Through Divorce (Support & Self-Discovery)Books for Specific Divorce Situations
Divorce After Infidelity (Healing & Moving Forward)
Christian Divorce (Faith-Based Support & Healing)
Join the Conversation!
Divorce Problem 1: Fear of Damaging Their Image
Client Story: Lisa was a successful businesswoman in Peoria, Illinois. When her marriage began to unravel, she feared the gossip and scrutiny that would follow. Together, we crafted a “public narrative” for her divorce, focusing on shared parenting and mutual respect. I coached her on handling difficult conversations with colleagues and friends while maintaining boundaries. Lisa told me later that she felt empowered to share only what was necessary, avoiding unnecessary drama and protecting her professional reputation.
If you are wondering if you should get a divorce coach, let this be your sign: YES! Katie was incredible throughout the entire process. I was so lucky to come across her name in a google search, as I stumbled to find my way through my divorce. With Katie’s help, I went from feeling overwhelmed to feeling focused and in control. She has vast knowledge, caring attitude, and practical approach. You don’t have to go through it alone or take advice from friends and family that may not understand all the intricacies of the process. I highly recommend her services! There’s a saying, “Luck favors the prepared”. Katie was my lucky charm, she prepared me for the biggest decisions of my life. Thank you! ~Jessica D, Dunlap, Illinois Divorce Problem 2: Concerns About Childrens' Well-Being
Client Story: Mark was a father of two young boys from Mackinaw, Illinois and was devastated by the thought of how the divorce might affect them. He didn’t want his conflict with his ex to spill over into their lives. I worked with Mark to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritized the boys’ routines and emotional needs. We practiced calm communication strategies for interactions with his ex. Mark later shared that the tools he learned allowed his boys to adjust well, feeling secure and loved despite the family changes.
I am so grateful I choose to work with Katie. From the start, Katie was kind and professional, empathetic and helpful. With her knowledge and guidance, it gave me the confidence to work with my ex as we navigated the ending of our marriage. It was extremely important to us both that the process remain amicable. Divorce Problem 3: Fear of Financial Instability
Story: Samantha, from Morton, Illinois was terrified of losing her financial independence after her divorce. She didn’t fully understand the financial implications of the settlement and felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of paperwork. I helped Samantha organize her financial documents, identify key priorities and prepare thoughtful questions for her attorney. I also connected her with a trusted financial planner in Morton to ensure her long-term stability. By the time the divorce was finalized, Samantha felt in control of her finances and confident about her future.
Divorce Problem 4: Overwhelmed by Legal Complexity
Client Story: Tom, from Dunlap, Illinois, had never been involved in legal matters before and was completely overwhelmed by the divorce process. He didn’t know how to select the right attorney or even where to start. I helped Tom define his goals, assess Family Law attorneys in Central Illinois and prepare questions to ask during consultations. We also broke down the legal steps into manageable tasks. Tom later told me that having someone guide him through the process gave him the clarity and confidence he needed to make informed decisions and feel empowered through the process.
Divorce Problem 5: Emotional Exhaustion and Isolation
Client Story: Emily, from East Peoria, Illinois felt utterly alone during her divorce. She didn’t want to burden her friends and family, and the stress left her feeling emotionally drained. In our coaching sessions, I provided a safe space for Emily to share her fears and frustrations. We worked together to help her find a local Peoria Therapist she loved to help her manage stress. We set small daily goals to restore her sense of normalcy. Emily found solace in having a judgment-free zone and the practical tools she needed to regain her energy and optimism.
Divorce Problem 6: Uncertainty About the Future
Client Story: After 20 years of marriage, Ben from Chillicothe, Illinois felt lost about what his life would look like post-divorce. He had no idea where to start or how to rebuild. I worked with Ben to map out his personal and professional goals, focusing on what he wanted for his next chapter. We created an action plan, from taking a course to improve his skills in carpentry, setting small personal health milestones and he joined a local hiking group. A year later, Ben reached out to tell me he felt like himself again—confident and excited about his future.
Are you ready to take control of your divorce story?
Going through a divorce can be one of themost challenging experiences of your life. It’s a time filled with emotional upheaval, legal complexities, and profound personal changes. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I’ve seen firsthand how transformative it can be to have the right guidance during this pivotal period.
Embracing the Moment: Finding Strength in Divorce Transition
Divorce is hard, and Katie made the experience bearable. Her knowledge of the process and resources available to me helped tremendously. On top of it all, she recommended the perfect lawyer. I am so thankful I had her knowledge, as well as her encouragement, through the whole process. Thank you so much, Katie! ~ Wendy V. Why Slowing Down After Divorce Matters
The Risks of Moving On Too Quickly After Divorce
I am so, so thankful for a friend’s referral to Katie! I felt I had a pretty good grasp on the divorce process but did not trust my ex enough to not throw some curveballs. I hired Katie to be another set of eyes and ears, to reassure me that I was not overlooking anything. She ended up exceeding this expectation! She gently nudged and kept me on task. She suggested other options to consider when I was uncertain. She provided recommendations for great, local resources. She listened through my tears, my frustrations, and my worries! She was so easy to work with and to talk to! She has been a true blessing and calm through the end of my (marriage) storm! ~Buffi O. Ways to Rebuild Yourself After Divorce
My Personal Divorce Journey
How a Divorce Coach Can Help
The Importance of Divorce Coach Training
My Divorce Coach Training
Hire a Certified Divorce Coach
A trial separation can be a constructive step for couples seeking clarity about their relationship. However, without a clear plan, it can easily become a source of confusion and conflict. That’s why having a detailed checklist is so important. This guide will help you create a structure that ensures your trial separation is productive and respectful for both partners.
Why You Need a Trial Separation ChecklistA trial separation checklist serves as a roadmap for your time apart. It covers everything from setting goals to managing day-to-day logistics. Whether you’re contemplating reconciliation or preparing for divorce, this checklist can help you stay organized and reduce unnecessary stress. Trial Separation Checklist1. Define the Purpose of the Separation
2. Set a Timeline
Determine how long the separation will last. Common timelines range from three to six months, but it’s essential to choose a duration that works for both partners. Agree to revisit the arrangement periodically to evaluate progress.
I had such a wonderful experience, Katie was very helpful and kind through the whole process. I would definitely recommend using her for your divorce needs. She was excellent at guiding me through the toughest moments! - Kerry C. 3. Draft a Written Agreement
4. Decide on Living Arrangements
Determine who will stay in the marital home and who will move out. If finances allow, consider renting a separate space. Ensure the arrangement is practical and supports your goals for the separation
Simply put…. Katie is amazing! I chose to work with Katie 8 months into my divorce journey when the process had come to a complete standstill. I was not getting anywhere with my attorney . She gave me intelligent, thoughtful advice and the tools I needed to expedite the divorce. It took less than 6 weeks of working with Katie for my divorce to be finalized. I couldn’t have asked for better support! Not only did Katie give me the right guidance, she was very caring and checked in and followed up with me ALL along the journey. - Kendra B. 5. Establish Financial Guidelines
6. Create a Parenting Plan
Katie was so wonderful! During what started out as a very stressful time in my life she helped me stay grounded and focused on the end result which was what was best for me and my family. She offered good advice and made herself available to talk and reassure me! 7. Set Communication Boundaries
8. Address Emotional Needs
9. Plan for Personal Growth
10. Schedule Regular Check-Ins11. Consider Legal Advice
Even if you’re not planning to divorce, consulting a legal professional can help you understand your rights and responsibilities. This is particularly important if financial or custody issues are involved. This is also important if you feel like your spouse is trying to scare you out of a divorce. Check out my guide below if that resonates with you!
12. Have an Exit Strategy
Define what happens at the end of the trial separation. Will you reconcile, extend the separation, or move toward divorce? Having an exit strategy ensures that both partners are on the same page. Working with a marriage counselor can help define these goals and expectations together.
Additional Tips for a Successful Trial SeparationHow a Divorce Coach Can Help
How a Divorce Coach Can Help with a Trial Separation
Navigating the decision to divorce is never easy. Whether you're in a high-profile marriage, dealing with a high-conflict divorce, or feeling stuck in a relationship plagued by "roommate syndrome," open and honest communication can provide clarity. As a divorce coach, I've guided many clients through these pivotal moments, helping them determine whether to move forward or seek solutions to repair their relationship. Below, I’ve outlined ten key questions to ask your spouse before filing for divorce. These range from logistical to deeply emotional and can help you make a more informed decision about the future of your marriage.
Setting Expectations for the Conversation
Also, remember that their wants don't always equal what they will get. Just because they WANT the kids 75% of the time doesn't meant they'll get it. Or just because they WANT to keep their entire Roth IRA that they contributed to while you stayed home with the kids so they could build their career, doesn't mean they'll get to. If their answers seem extreme, unfair or threatening, schedule a consult with me and together we'll get your divorce on the right path.
Emotion Based Questions for Divorce1. Do You Feel That Our Marriage Is Meeting Your Needs?
2. Are You Willing to Work on Our Marriage?
If you’re contemplating divorce but are open to reconciliation, this question is crucial. It gauges your spouse’s willingness to attend counseling or seek other forms of relationship support. If they’re unwilling, this insight might help solidify your decision to move forward.
3. What Do You Think Has Changed Between Us Over Time?
Understanding how your spouse perceives the evolution of your relationship can shed light on areas of disconnection. This conversation starter often uncovers moments of misunderstanding or neglect that could be addressed if both parties are willing.
4. Do You See Us Growing Old Together?5. What Does “Happiness” Look Like for You in This Marriage?
By asking this question, you’ll gain insight into your spouse’s values, priorities, and expectations. If your visions of happiness don’t align, it could be a sign that the relationship’s foundation is fractured.
Logistical Questions6. How Would You Envision Co-Parenting if We Divorced?
7. Are You Open to a Collaborative or Amicable Divorce?
High-conflict divorces can be emotionally draining and financially devastating. By asking this question, you’ll better understand your spouse’s willingness to work toward a fair resolution without unnecessary hostility.
8. What Are Your Financial Concerns If We Divorce?9. What Do You Think Is Fair When It Comes to Dividing Our Assets?
This question helps you understand your spouse’s perspective on fairness in the division of marital property. Knowing their stance early on can influence your approach to negotiation or mediation.
10. How Would You Feel About Working with a Divorce Coach?A divorce coach can provide invaluable support in navigating the emotional and logistical complexities of divorce. Introducing this concept to your spouse may help them understand that professional guidance can lead to a more constructive and less adversarial process. Why Asking These Questions Matters
The Role of a Certified Divorce Coach
My Thoughts as a Certified Divorce Coach
Divorce is a life-changing decision that should never be made lightly. By engaging in open and honest conversations with your spouse, you can gain valuable insights into the state of your relationship and make a more informed choice. If you’re struggling to navigate this challenging time, or you want to divorce in the best way possible I’m here to help you move toward a brighter, more empowered future.
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About Katie VAndenBergKatie makes her life as a Divorce Coach in Central Illinois surrounded by river valleys and prairie. Her days are spent helping her divorce clients, working with her tenants, tending to her gardens, hiking as often as possible, spending time on her pottery wheel and loving her family. Looking for a specific divorce topic? Search here!
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