Got divorced in a small town

Going through a divorce in a Small Town is like....

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Amiright?

Been There, Done That.

One question I get when I first talk with a potential client that still surprises me is "Do you keep our conversations confidential? Is Divorce Coaching confidential?”

YES. 10000% YES.

I get it. I make my life in Small Town, USA (AKA Peoria, Illinois.) Everyone knows everyone and if they don't, they know someone else who does.

Considering that I live in Central Illinois, this question shouldn't surprise me…yet it always does. It surprises me because of how seriously I take your confidentiality and trust in me. I honor your privacy with the greatest intentionality. In my mind, privacy comes first and the process comes next.

When you work with me I have the policy that I will only acknowledge, if I'm even asked, that "I know of you" if your name happens to come up in conversation.

If I see you in public I'll wave back or say "Hi" ONLY if you greet me first.

I even go so far as to only scribble basic notes without your name attached to anything. I file them where I can refer back but no one else could ever decipher and connect them to you. (Also for the record, my husband who formerly taught middle school English tells me my handwriting is worse than a 7th grade boy's, so there's that factor too).

I have no doubt you already have enough unwanted onlookers. My promise to you, as your Certified Divorce Coach, is that I will do everything in my power to protect your privacy.

Personally speaking, I remember how it was during my divorce.  I remember that I had a trip planned to visit a college friend and his new girlfriend. The friend had been a mutual friend of my ex-husband’s and mine, but I had stayed more in touch with him. It was NOT a romantic relationship in the slightest. More of a ‘he’s kind of like a lovable but sometimes annoying older brother.”  

I needed a vacation.  Remember, I was working 50-60 hour weeks at my job as a mortgage loan officer at a local bank during the wildly busy mortgage boom of the early 2000’s.  I also was opening my new coffee shop, Eli’s Coffee Shop, in Morton, Il at the time.  I was stressed, overworked and desperately needed a vacation.  This seemed perfect. Money was tight for me after the divorce so I could stay with him and his girlfriend for free and was really excited to finally have something planned.  I went on the trip and enjoyed myself.  I met some of their friends, relaxed and had a nice time away.  I went home rejuvenated and ready to get back to work.

And then I heard the rumor. Or rather, RUMORS.  Plural.

The rumor was “Katie flew back to Colorado to reignite an old relationship.”  “Katie tried to see if there was anything between her and their friend but he turned her down and she came home disappointed.”  “Katie came home from Colorado rejected.”
 
WHAT.

How did that even happen?  

I think I know how it happened and someone near and dear to me was in the middle of it.  It involved a local Bible study, a relative and a connection to my ex husband’s new girlfriend’s mom (say that 10 times fast!)  Essentially, a recipe for disaster in the divorce world.

I was stung by the unfairness of this group of ladies who were gossiping about me.  The ultimate game of telephone as adults.  I knew then and there that I never wanted to be part of something like that.  

Another scenario I was out with a group of ladies. I really only knew one of them. The rest were her extended friends.  At one point it came up that I was going through a divorce.  One of the ladies was horrified, even though we had just met.  She spent the next 20 minutes lecturing me on why I should NOT get a divorce and why ‘you should try harder to save your marriage.’  

I had never met this woman before in my life and she knew nothing about my marriage. 
But she had all the opinions.

It’s a lot, you guys.  I’ve lived it and I know what you’re worried about going through.  I pride myself on confidentially helping my clients understand the divorce process.  The last thing anyone needs is one more person to gossip about them and spread false rumors.  

XO
Kate

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