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When you’re thinking about separation or divorce, it is VERY overwhelming! There are the roller coaster of emotions that can range from excitement about the future to overwhelming grief and sadness for what is being lost to intense anger for the abuse and hurt. There is also the logistics of divorce. Who will take the kids to baseball? Who will pay for their health insurance? Can one of us stay in the home? Will I have to get a better job?
All of the overwhelm of divorce often causes people to just stay put in unhappy or abusive marriages. It just feels too hard to get a divorce! Other times, it causes people to impulse hire an attorney without appropriate research and not understanding the process. They get swept up in the tidal wave of the divorce process, eyes closed and holding their breath, hoping things settle down and work out. It’s enough to raise my blood pressure just typing all of this! This is where a Divorce Coach comes in. I get it. I know it feels impossible sometimes to pay someone ELSE on top of the attorney retainer! Let’s dive in about why you should hire a divorce coach to help you through the divorce process. 
1. A Divorce Coach Will Help You Hire The RIGHT Attorney
Get ready because everyone from the bank teller to your Great Aunt Margaret to the high school acquaintance you bump into at Target will have an opinion on your divorce. People LOVE to tell other people how to get divorced. It usually goes like this, “OMG you HAVE to hire Todd Smith, he’s a BULLDOG! My cousin hired him and although she didn’t really like him personally, she thought he really fought for her.” *Divorce RED FLAG* You want to like your attorney. Sure it might seem silly, but you’re going to pay this person a lot of money to make a difference in major parts of the rest of your life. You want to be able to communicate with them and not think they’re jerks or have them mistreat you. 
Think of it this way, what if something goes wrong with your divorce and you need to discuss it with your attorney? Do you want them to have a respectful conversation with you or have them blow you off like you’re stupid for asking? I’ve had so many people call me that did not hire me from the get-go, begging for help because they feel like their attorney is gaslighting them! This is NOT what you want!
Also, those ‘bulldog’ attorneys are not my favorites. Honestly. They tend to be in it to line their pockets and boost their ego. They aggravate divorces to drag them out so they can go to court and look like they’re really fighting for you. I’d rather have a calm, peacebuilding attorney that helps my clients have an amicable, but fair, divorce and move on with their lives. Sure it might not feel as dramatic but that’s a GOOD thing. As a Divorce Coach, I help my clients hire the right attorney from the beginning. I coach my clients on what to look for, what questions to ask and how to make telling observations. After they meet with attorneys, we talk through their experience so they pick the best option for them based on their needs. 2. A Divorce Coach Will Help You Know What’s Real With Your Attorney
Attorneys are smart, busy and expensive. Many of them have been doing their jobs for so long, it’s like a second nature to them. They know that they are expensive and don’t want to waste their time and your money explaining every detail. While your budget may appreciate that it often can feel like you have no clue what is happening in your divorce! I just talked with someone yesterday who has contacted me WELL into their divorce (trial is set.) She doesn't think she can afford to hire me because she’s owes her attorney $9,000 and she also doesn’t want to email her attorney with questions because she knows it’s $200 for her attorney just to answer an email! She has a lot of money on the line but in the meantime, has no money to know what is happening or understand the next steps or how to best prepare because she has already spent so much with her attorney. This is the absolute worst situation to be in. I wish she had contacted me THREE years ago (yes, three!) when her divorce started. I would bet good money she would have had her divorce finalized a long time ago and not have spent thousands of dollars. She would be well into her newly established life. At this point she’s just hoping for the best.
As a divorce coach, I help my clients understand the paperwork and options from the beginning so they make the best choices within the scope of their divorce. I help them manage communication with their attorney to keep it effective not only with the information they gain but also with their budget. If things start to drag on, I help my clients either get the process going with their attorney or get a second opinion. My clients get ahead of problems so their divorces are relatively easy and dare I say, BORING. I’ve never had a client have to go to trial that I’ve worked with from the very beginning.
3. A Divorce Coach Will Save Money
I also help my clients find the right path to divorce. It’s not always necessary for both people to have a lawyer. When appropriate, we explore divorce mediation or just hiring a single attorney for both people. We talk through their current situation, the history of the relationship and the goals for their futures to determine what the best path forward is for them and their family. We take finances, living situations and emotions into consideration. There's a lot to think about and divorce is not a 'one size fits all' life event.
Focusing on the logistics of the divorce process is the best way to save money. I have clients call me, very emotional and wanting to go down divorce rabbit holes. I help pull them out and focus on what’s really at stake for them so they can take the next best step forward. So What's Next?
When facing a separation or divorce, it feels overwhelming to make one more decision tohire a divorce coach. Pausing to explore this option will be time and money well invested in your divorce process and future. You’ll be better equipped to hire the right attorney for your divorce, understand and interpret the steps along the way and save lots of money.
You can schedule a Free Consultation with me and we'll talk about your unique situation and what it would look like to work together. Even if you think you're 8 months from even wanting to file and just need information to start planning. Or perhaps you're ready to file and want to make sure you're starting your divorce in the best way possible. ~Katie
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