Going through a divorce can be one of themost challenging experiences of your life. It’s a time filled with emotional upheaval, legal complexities, and profound personal changes. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I’ve seen firsthand how transformative it can be to have the right guidance during this pivotal period.
Embracing the Moment: Finding Strength in Divorce Transition
Divorce is hard, and Katie made the experience bearable. Her knowledge of the process and resources available to me helped tremendously. On top of it all, she recommended the perfect lawyer. I am so thankful I had her knowledge, as well as her encouragement, through the whole process. Thank you so much, Katie! ~ Wendy V. Why Slowing Down After Divorce Matters
The Risks of Moving On Too Quickly After Divorce
I am so, so thankful for a friend’s referral to Katie! I felt I had a pretty good grasp on the divorce process but did not trust my ex enough to not throw some curveballs. I hired Katie to be another set of eyes and ears, to reassure me that I was not overlooking anything. She ended up exceeding this expectation! She gently nudged and kept me on task. She suggested other options to consider when I was uncertain. She provided recommendations for great, local resources. She listened through my tears, my frustrations, and my worries! She was so easy to work with and to talk to! She has been a true blessing and calm through the end of my (marriage) storm! ~Buffi O. Ways to Rebuild Yourself After Divorce
My Personal Divorce Journey
How a Divorce Coach Can Help
The Importance of Divorce Coach Training
My Divorce Coach Training
Hire a Certified Divorce Coach
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A trial separation can be a constructive step for couples seeking clarity about their relationship. However, without a clear plan, it can easily become a source of confusion and conflict. That’s why having a detailed checklist is so important. This guide will help you create a structure that ensures your trial separation is productive and respectful for both partners.
Why You Need a Trial Separation ChecklistA trial separation checklist serves as a roadmap for your time apart. It covers everything from setting goals to managing day-to-day logistics. Whether you’re contemplating reconciliation or preparing for divorce, this checklist can help you stay organized and reduce unnecessary stress. Trial Separation Checklist1. Define the Purpose of the Separation
2. Set a Timeline
Determine how long the separation will last. Common timelines range from three to six months, but it’s essential to choose a duration that works for both partners. Agree to revisit the arrangement periodically to evaluate progress.
I had such a wonderful experience, Katie was very helpful and kind through the whole process. I would definitely recommend using her for your divorce needs. She was excellent at guiding me through the toughest moments! - Kerry C. 3. Draft a Written Agreement
4. Decide on Living Arrangements
Determine who will stay in the marital home and who will move out. If finances allow, consider renting a separate space. Ensure the arrangement is practical and supports your goals for the separation
Simply put…. Katie is amazing! I chose to work with Katie 8 months into my divorce journey when the process had come to a complete standstill. I was not getting anywhere with my attorney . She gave me intelligent, thoughtful advice and the tools I needed to expedite the divorce. It took less than 6 weeks of working with Katie for my divorce to be finalized. I couldn’t have asked for better support! Not only did Katie give me the right guidance, she was very caring and checked in and followed up with me ALL along the journey. - Kendra B. 5. Establish Financial Guidelines
6. Create a Parenting Plan
Katie was so wonderful! During what started out as a very stressful time in my life she helped me stay grounded and focused on the end result which was what was best for me and my family. She offered good advice and made herself available to talk and reassure me! 7. Set Communication Boundaries
8. Address Emotional Needs
9. Plan for Personal Growth
10. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
11. Consider Legal Advice
Even if you’re not planning to divorce, consulting a legal professional can help you understand your rights and responsibilities. This is particularly important if financial or custody issues are involved. This is also important if you feel like your spouse is trying to scare you out of a divorce. Check out my guide below if that resonates with you!
12. Have an Exit Strategy
Define what happens at the end of the trial separation. Will you reconcile, extend the separation, or move toward divorce? Having an exit strategy ensures that both partners are on the same page. Working with a marriage counselor can help define these goals and expectations together.
Additional Tips for a Successful Trial SeparationHow a Divorce Coach Can Help
How a Divorce Coach Can Help with a Trial Separation
“Hire a Bulldog Attorney,” they said. “It’ll be great,” they said. “You need a Bulldog Attorney to fight for you,” they said.  Your Spouse Has Filed For DivorceYou may feel backed up against a wall. The petitions have been filed, and suddenly, it feels like you’re on the defensive, with your spouse already setting the tone of the divorce. That tone can often feel intimidating, even aggressive. Friends and co-workers, with all the best intentions, lean in and say, “I know JUST the divorce attorney for you!” Often, this is followed by, “They’re a real bulldog!” Let’s pause and take a breather, shall we?
Often, ‘bulldog attorneys’ are incredibly expensive. They may have a large office, extensive staff, and an image to uphold. Many people hire them because they feel pressured and desperate. They end up with prolonged, expensive cases without fully understanding what they’re paying for. As a divorce coach in Illinois, I’ve witnessed people (not my clients) having to file bankruptcy after hiring a bulldog attorney because the legal fees got out of control, and often, for a settlement that could have been achieved more smoothly and affordably had they had the guidance of a divorce coach. But, thinking they couldn't afford a divorce coach, they instead took the inexperienced advice of a friend, which in turn cost them tens of thousands of dollars, not to mention, years of stress and a lesser settlement. Bulldog Law Firms Bully Their ClientsWhen things aren't going smoothly and you need guidance, you want an attorney who will explain what is happening and what the next steps are. You DON'T want an attorney who will lecture you and make you feel small. Some Bulldog Attorneys have such large egos that they tell their clients how lucky they are to get to work with them as their attorney. They tell them that if they're not careful, they'll drop them as clients. This adds so much more stress to an already difficult time in life, especially if you've already paid them thousands of dollars! You don’t want a Bulldog Attorney. You want a Border Collie Attorney.
How Divorce Coaching Helps You Find the Right Attorney
Hire the Right Family Law Attorney for You
What Does a Divorce Coach Do?
Need a Divorce but Money is Tight?
Two years ago, I had a life-changing experience that led me to my true calling—divorce coaching. A close friend of mine was going through a challenging divorce. Although she had a skilled attorney, she was emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed by the complex legal process. She didn’t know the right questions to ask, and the legal jargon left her feeling lost.
When I offered to meet with her, she was relieved. We sat down, and through her tears, we discussed her situation. A week later, I accompanied her to a meeting with her attorney. That meeting was a turning point for me in choosing to become a divorce coach. 
The Divorce Plan
We established clear communication with her attorney, set realistic expectations, and mapped out a follow-up plan. Because I wasn’t emotionally involved in her case, I was able to keep her focused on the important business decisions and steer her away from the emotional pitfalls that often sidetrack divorces.
This approach allowed her to begin the healing process. Instead of spending more money on attorney fees for clarification, she could call or text me whenever she felt confused about the legal proceedings. She learned to trust the process, knowing her attorney had her best interests at heart. 
I learned Divorce Coaches are essential
The outcome? My friend ended up with a far better settlement than she ever imagined!
This experience made me realize how essential divorce coaching is for individuals navigating the divorce process. Emotional turmoil—whether it's sadness, anger, or resentment—often clouds judgment and disrupts progress. But with the right guidance, you can stay focused and make informed decisions, leading to better results in both the legal and emotional aspects of divorce.
If you’re thinking about divorce, are in the middle of one, or even have already finalized it but need support moving forward, divorce coaching can be a game-changer. Whether you're just starting to consider divorce, deep in the process, or ready to rebuild your life afterward, I’m here to help. Let me guide you through each step, offering the clarity and confidence you need to make the best decisions for your future. Use the calendar below to schedule a free divorce consultation today!
Why is choosing the right divorce attorney so important?What’s the worst that can happen? Let’s start with the most important part: All divorce Attorneys are not created equal. Real-Life Example: The Wrong Attorney Led to Delayed Results and Higher Costs
I have seen this time and time again. I often get calls from people who didn’t consult me before choosing an attorney. They’re nearly in tears after spending tens of thousands of dollars, feeling like they're losing everything. “But my friend used them and loved them!” After I ask more questions I find out that the friend also had no money to split and their only child was already an adult. No financial settlement stress and no parenting plan to worry about. Meanwhile, the person on the other end of the phone has a large inheritance and three children under the age of 12. Yikes! These situations are vastly different, and you need an attorney who understands the complexities of your unique case. You also want a divorce attorney that is empathetic but firm. Some divorce attorneys will tell clients anything to help them feel better, even if it’s an impossible idea. In this case, the client finds themselves constantly paying larger and larger bills to the divorce attorney, chasing after their empty promises that sound so alluring. Other attorneys will take full control of the case and not run any ideas by the client. Suddenly, when the divorce is over, the client feels like they had no say in any of it and aren’t sure how they even got there with a settlement they hate. Real-Life Example: Lack of Financial Expertise Cost John His Retirement
So what should someone who is thinking about filing for divorce do??
Key Questions to Ask a Divorce AttorneyBefore making your decision, it's essential to have an open conversation with any potential lawyer. If they seem put off by this, then they are not the right attorney for you! These are the questions to ask a divorce attorney that can help you determine if they’re the right fit for your divorce. When I work with clients, we start with this as a base and dive MUCH deeper into the process of hiring and interviewing the right attorney or mediator for them. 1. Do you specialize in divorces, or are divorces just part of your practice?You wouldn’t hire a dermatologist to do your colonoscopy, would you? Then don’t hire a criminal defendant for your divorce. Find out if the attorney dedicates most of their practice to family law and divorces. A seasoned divorce attorney is more likely to have the expertise you need. 2. How will you approach my divorce, and how long do you think it will take to be complete?Get a clear idea of their plan with your divorce. Will they aim for negotiation, or do they foresee a drawn-out court battle? 3. How accessible are you? How do you prefer to be contacted?Knowing how quickly your attorney returns phone calls and what constitutes an emergency is crucial during the emotionally charged process of divorce. 4. Who else will be working on my case?Larger law firms may assign parts of your case to other attorneys or paralegals. Make sure you're comfortable with the entire team and their experience levels. 5. Can I negotiate directly with my spouse?Some attorneys may prefer to handle all communication, while others might encourage you to engage in direct negotiation to keep costs down. Ask how you can help streamline the process. 6. What are your fees and retainer requirements?Understanding the financial aspect of hiring a lawyer is important. Ask how they charge for their time, including the time of other professionals like paralegals or assistants. 7. What additional costs should I expect?Besides attorney fees, your case may require external professionals such as forensic accountants or child custody evaluators. Clarify these potential costs upfront. 8. What do you wish more clients knew about the divorce process?This is a great way to get your divorce attorney to open up and speak candidly. Listen closely because they will help you understand how to be a good client so they can best represent you! 9. Can you estimate the total cost of the divorce?While divorce attorneys often hesitate to provide exact cost estimates, asking this question can give you insight into their transparency. Be wary of unrealistic promises of low costs or flat rates. 10. What outcome do you predict based on my case?A seasoned divorce attorney should be able to provide insight into how a judge may rule in your situation. This will help set realistic expectations for the outcome of your divorce. Making the Right Choice for Your Divorce Attorney
When you’re thinking about separation or divorce, it is VERY overwhelming! There are the roller coaster of emotions that can range from excitement about the future to overwhelming grief and sadness for what is being lost to intense anger for the abuse and hurt. There is also the logistics of divorce. Who will take the kids to baseball? Who will pay for their health insurance? Can one of us stay in the home? Will I have to get a better job?
All of the overwhelm of divorce often causes people to just stay put in unhappy or abusive marriages. It just feels too hard to get a divorce! Other times, it causes people to impulse hire an attorney without appropriate research and not understanding the process. They get swept up in the tidal wave of the divorce process, eyes closed and holding their breath, hoping things settle down and work out. It’s enough to raise my blood pressure just typing all of this! This is where a Divorce Coach comes in. I get it. I know it feels impossible sometimes to pay someone ELSE on top of the attorney retainer! Let’s dive in about why you should hire a divorce coach to help you through the divorce process. 
1. A Divorce Coach Will Help You Hire The RIGHT Attorney
Get ready because everyone from the bank teller to your Great Aunt Margaret to the high school acquaintance you bump into at Target will have an opinion on your divorce. People LOVE to tell other people how to get divorced. It usually goes like this, “OMG you HAVE to hire Todd Smith, he’s a BULLDOG! My cousin hired him and although she didn’t really like him personally, she thought he really fought for her.” *Divorce RED FLAG* You want to like your attorney. Sure it might seem silly, but you’re going to pay this person a lot of money to make a difference in major parts of the rest of your life. You want to be able to communicate with them and not think they’re jerks or have them mistreat you. 
Think of it this way, what if something goes wrong with your divorce and you need to discuss it with your attorney? Do you want them to have a respectful conversation with you or have them blow you off like you’re stupid for asking? I’ve had so many people call me that did not hire me from the get-go, begging for help because they feel like their attorney is gaslighting them! This is NOT what you want!
Also, those ‘bulldog’ attorneys are not my favorites. Honestly. They tend to be in it to line their pockets and boost their ego. They aggravate divorces to drag them out so they can go to court and look like they’re really fighting for you. I’d rather have a calm, peacebuilding attorney that helps my clients have an amicable, but fair, divorce and move on with their lives. Sure it might not feel as dramatic but that’s a GOOD thing. As a Divorce Coach, I help my clients hire the right attorney from the beginning. I coach my clients on what to look for, what questions to ask and how to make telling observations. After they meet with attorneys, we talk through their experience so they pick the best option for them based on their needs. 2. A Divorce Coach Will Help You Know What’s Real With Your Attorney
Attorneys are smart, busy and expensive. Many of them have been doing their jobs for so long, it’s like a second nature to them. They know that they are expensive and don’t want to waste their time and your money explaining every detail. While your budget may appreciate that it often can feel like you have no clue what is happening in your divorce! I just talked with someone yesterday who has contacted me WELL into their divorce (trial is set.) She doesn't think she can afford to hire me because she’s owes her attorney $9,000 and she also doesn’t want to email her attorney with questions because she knows it’s $200 for her attorney just to answer an email! She has a lot of money on the line but in the meantime, has no money to know what is happening or understand the next steps or how to best prepare because she has already spent so much with her attorney. This is the absolute worst situation to be in. I wish she had contacted me THREE years ago (yes, three!) when her divorce started. I would bet good money she would have had her divorce finalized a long time ago and not have spent thousands of dollars. She would be well into her newly established life. At this point she’s just hoping for the best.
As a divorce coach, I help my clients understand the paperwork and options from the beginning so they make the best choices within the scope of their divorce. I help them manage communication with their attorney to keep it effective not only with the information they gain but also with their budget. If things start to drag on, I help my clients either get the process going with their attorney or get a second opinion. My clients get ahead of problems so their divorces are relatively easy and dare I say, BORING. I’ve never had a client have to go to trial that I’ve worked with from the very beginning.
3. A Divorce Coach Will Save Money
I also help my clients find the right path to divorce. It’s not always necessary for both people to have a lawyer. When appropriate, we explore divorce mediation or just hiring a single attorney for both people. We talk through their current situation, the history of the relationship and the goals for their futures to determine what the best path forward is for them and their family. We take finances, living situations and emotions into consideration. There's a lot to think about and divorce is not a 'one size fits all' life event.
Focusing on the logistics of the divorce process is the best way to save money. I have clients call me, very emotional and wanting to go down divorce rabbit holes. I help pull them out and focus on what’s really at stake for them so they can take the next best step forward. So What's Next?
When facing a separation or divorce, it feels overwhelming to make one more decision tohire a divorce coach. Pausing to explore this option will be time and money well invested in your divorce process and future. You’ll be better equipped to hire the right attorney for your divorce, understand and interpret the steps along the way and save lots of money.
You can schedule a Free Consultation with me and we'll talk about your unique situation and what it would look like to work together. Even if you think you're 8 months from even wanting to file and just need information to start planning. Or perhaps you're ready to file and want to make sure you're starting your divorce in the best way possible. ~Katie |
