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A trial separation can be an emotionally charged step, but for many couples, it’s an opportunity to gain clarity about the future of their relationship. Whether you’re considering this path to reassess your marriage or prepare for the next chapter of your life after Divorce, it’s important to approach a Trial Separation with thoughtfulness, intention and preparation. Here are the top 10 things to think about when starting a trial separation to ensure the process is productive and respectful. 
1. Define Your Goals For Your Trial Separation
Before initiating a trial separation, both partners should agree on its purpose. Are you using this time to work on your marriage, or are you leaning toward divorce? Clarifying your intentions can help avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
One Client's Story: Megan and Tom decided on a trial separation after 15 years of marriage. Megan hoped the time apart would allow them to rediscover their individual identities, while Tom wanted to evaluate whether their relationship could still work. During the separation, Megan enrolled in a painting class, reigniting a passion she had long ignored, while Tom focused on therapy to address personal challenges. These individual pursuits gave them new perspectives and helped them communicate more openly when they met for their scheduled check-ins. By outlining their goals and committing to personal growth, they created a foundation for productive discussions that ultimately clarified the future of their relationship. 2. Set Clear Boundaries With Your Spouse
Boundaries are vital during a trial separation. Will you date other people? Can you have sex during your Trial Separation? With each other or other people? How often will you communicate? Will you share finances? Establishing these rules upfront reduces confusion and potential conflict.
3. Communicate with Children
4. Create a Trial Separation Agreement
A written agreement can outline logistics like living arrangements, financial responsibilities, and parenting schedules. This document serves as a reference point and helps manage expectations.
5. Consider Living Arrangements
6. Develop a Financial Plan
Money often becomes a sticking point during separations. Discuss how you’ll handle joint accounts, bills, and other financial obligations. Transparency is key to avoiding conflict.
7. Seek Support
Navigating a trial separation can be overwhelming. A divorce coach, especially one experienced in high-conflict situations, can provide guidance tailored to your needs. Search for terms like “divorce coach near me” or “best divorce coach” to find the right professional.
8. Take Time for Self-Reflection
9. Create a Trial Separation Checklist
Having a checklist can keep you organized and focused. Here’s an example:
10. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
Periodic check-ins allow you to evaluate how the trial separation is going. Are you achieving your goals? Is there progress in communication or understanding? These conversations can guide your next steps.
Why Work with a Certified Divorce Coach During a Trial Separation?
A divorce coach provides the support and perspective you need during this complex time. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I specialize in helping clients navigate trial separations with clarity and confidence. Whether you’re contemplating divorce or seeking to rebuild your marriage, I can guide you every step of the way.
To learn more about how I can help, schedule a Free Consultation. We'll take 30 minutes to talk about your unique situation and determine the next best steps.
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Why Is It Called Divorce Day?
Divorce Day has earned its title due to the noticeable spike in inquiries from people seeking divorce-related services after the holidays. The reasons behind this trend vary:
Waiting for the New Year: One Client’s Story
“I thought waiting until the holidays were over would make things simpler,” she told me. “But then life kept throwing curveballs—work stress, unexpected legal complications, and trying to explain everything to the kids. It was like there was never a good time to do this.”
That’s when Emily leaned into the support of divorce coaching. Together, we created a roadmap for her divorce journey, breaking it into manageable steps and addressing each hurdle as it came. Whether it was preparing for mediation, navigating co-parenting conversations, or finding moments of self-care, Emily learned that having a trusted guide made all the difference. There’s Never a Perfect Time to Divorce—But You Can Be Prepared
That’s where a divorce coach comes in.
And because I work with clients nationwide, I’m here to support you no matter where you’re located. Whether you’re in Peoria, Illinois, or across the country, you deserve guidance that empowers you to move forward with confidence.
Why Choose a Divorce Coach?
Unlike attorneys or therapists, a divorce coach is focused on helping you navigate the logistical and emotional complexities of divorce. Think of it as having a trail guide on a challenging hike—someone who knows the terrain, anticipates obstacles, and keeps you moving forward.
Here are a few ways I’ve helped clients in Central Illinois and beyond:
Your Fresh Start After Divorce Awaits
If you’re considering divorce this January, know that you’re not alone. Divorce Day may mark the beginning of your journey, but it doesn’t have to be a journey you take by yourself. Whether you’re facing a high-conflict divorce, navigating the complexities of a high-profile separation, or just trying to figure out the next step, I’m here to help.
Let’s make 2025 the year you move forward with clarity, courage, and support. Schedule a consultation today, and let’s navigate this journey together.
Divorce can feel like navigating an uncharted wilderness—overwhelming, emotional, and full of unforeseen obstacles. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With the right tools and guidance, you can move through your divorce with clarity, confidence, and yes, dignity. That’s why I created Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce, a comprehensive course designed to be your trusted companion through this challenging journey. Here’s what you need to know about the course, what it includes, and how it can help you reclaim your peace of mind while paving the way for a brighter future.
What Is the Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce Course?
For only $299, you get immediate, full access to the course. Each module includes a dedicated YouTube video and a Google Doc to help you put the lessons into action. You’ll also have the option to add a "One Hour to Clarity" call with me at a discounted rate of $79, giving you personalized guidance at a fraction of my standard coaching fee.
Even better? If you decide you want even more help from me after completing the course, the $299 course fee will be credited toward your 1:1 coaching package. Divorce Planning Made Simple: What You’ll Learn in Each Module
Here’s a glimpse at what the course covers:
Module 1: Choose the Right Path for Your Divorce
Module 2: Build Your Dream Divorce Support Team
Module 3: Parenting Through Divorce with Grace
Module 4: Financial Confidence During Divorce
Module 5: Stay Focused and Keep Moving Forward
Why My Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce Stands Out
The Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce isn’t just about surviving divorce; it’s about thriving through it. Here’s what sets it apart:
Who Should Enroll in This Divorce Coaching Course?
Take the First Step Toward Divorcing with Dignity
“I want a divorce, but my husband doesn’t. He’s happy keeping our unhappy marriage as-is. What if he says ‘no’?”
This is a question I hear a lot during consultations. On this particular call, the woman sounded tired and uncertain. She had been carrying the weight of a high-conflict marriage for years, and the idea of seeking divorce seemed daunting—especially because her husband refused to acknowledge their problems. The question itself reveals a common misconception about divorce: that both spouses need to agree. Many people have absorbed this idea from what I like to call “TV Divorce.” Think of the melodramatic scenes where a controlling spouse tears up divorce papers in a rage or a narcissistic partner smugly declares, "You can’t leave me." These narratives fuel anxiety and reinforce the myth that one person can block a divorce simply by refusing to cooperate. The reality, however, is far less dramatic—and far more empowering. 
Do You Need Your Spouse’s Permission to Divorce?
The answer is no. If you’re in Illinois, like many of my clients, you live in a no-fault divorce state. This means you don’t need to provide specific reasons like infidelity or abuse, nor do you need your spouse’s consent. The law allows you to file for divorce independently. In fact, across all 50 states, one spouse can file for divorce without the other’s agreement. While a few states, like Mississippi, Tennessee, and South Dakota, have additional requirements for no-fault divorces, these don’t mean both spouses must agree—they just require a reason.
States That Require a Cooling Off Period Before Divorce
Certain states also have separation or "cooling-off" periods designed to encourage couples to pause and reflect. While all states allow one spouse to file for divorce without the other's agreement, some require a period of separation or a cooling-off period before the divorce can be finalized. These requirements vary by state and are often designed to give couples time to reflect and consider reconciliation before moving forward. Here are the states with these provisions at the time of writing:
These timelines can feel like an additional hurdle, especially in high-conflict divorces, but they’re often manageable with the right legal and emotional support. A high-conflict divorce coach can help you strategize and stay focused during these waiting periods, ensuring you remain prepared and confident as you work toward your goals. Facing Resistance: Why Some Spouses Say "No"
It’s common for controlling or narcissistic spouses to resist divorce, even when they seem equally miserable in the marriage. Often, it’s not about love or reconciliation—it’s about control. Divorce threatens their carefully curated image or strips away the power they hold over their partner. While we can’t always pinpoint their exact motives, it’s important to remember this: their refusal to “allow” a divorce doesn’t stop you from pursuing it.
Three Ways to Respond When Your Spouse Doesn’t Agree to a Divorce
1. Kind But Firm
This approach works well if your spouse is more hurt than hostile. It acknowledges their feelings while making your stance clear:
“I understand that you are hurt by this. Believe me, this is not the path I expected for our lives either. But here we are. I am willing to move forward peacefully, amicably, and as fairly as possible. I fully intend to file for divorce. With your cooperation, we can both move on with our lives and, if children are involved, co-parent effectively. Let’s work together to come up with an agreement we can both live with and save as much money with attorneys as possible.” This type of response shows empathy but leaves no room for debate about your decision. It can help set the tone for a cooperative divorce process. 2. Stern But Firm
3. Protecting Your Sanity and Safety
If your spouse’s refusal to agree turns hostile or poses a danger to your emotional or physical well-being, your focus must shift to self-protection. In these cases, you don’t owe them an explanation. Instead, prioritize your safety.
You do not have to respond to their objections. If you are at risk of physical harm, get yourself and your children to a safe place. Work with an attorney to file for divorce, and have them served by a process server. You don’t need to be present for this step. Remember, it is not your responsibility to manage their emotions or their response to the divorce papers. This approach acknowledges that in high-conflict or abusive marriages, personal safety comes first. A high-conflict divorce coach or legal professional can guide you through the process while safeguarding your mental and physical well-being. Divorcing a Narcissist
Let me share the story of Susan (name changed for privacy), one of my clients who faced this exact dilemma. Susan had been married for over 20 years to a man who controlled every aspect of her life. When she told him she wanted a divorce, his response was immediate and dismissive:
“You’ll never go through with it. I won’t let you.” Susan felt trapped. His refusal to acknowledge her autonomy mirrored the years of control and manipulation she’d endured. But Susan reached out for help. Through divorce coaching, we explored her options, prepared her for the emotional and legal challenges ahead, and created a strategy to move forward safely. When she filed for divorce, her husband initially ignored the papers, insisting she’d never leave. But the legal system doesn’t allow one spouse to block a divorce, and Susan’s persistence paid off. Today, she’s living independently and rediscovering her sense of self. Her story is a testament to the fact that you don’t need anyone’s permission to reclaim your life.
“Life is hard—not because we’re doing it wrong, just because it’s hard.” – Glennon Doyle
When my first marriage began to unravel, I kept asking myself, Why is this so hard? I thought I had chosen the right partner. He was intelligent, hardworking, frugal, and kind—just like me. We were both good people. Shouldn’t this have been enough? 
Our Marriage Wasn't Working
But it wasn’t. As difficult as divorce seemed, not divorcing would have been exponentially harder.
Once I realized it was okay for two good people to not be good together, I started to see my situation more clearly. Divorce no longer felt like failure; it felt like choosing a better future. Accepting that my personality or work ethic didn’t guarantee marital success allowed me to focus on my personal success and healing. Letting go of the notion that divorce meant I was unworthy of love made moving forward possible. Divorce Is Hard
—so hard. But it wasn’t because we did anything wrong. In fact, deciding to part ways was one of the bravest, healthiest decisions we could have made.
What If I Hadn't Made the Decision to Divorce?
Would we have stayed together for years, only to face a high-conflict divorce later? Would raising children in an unhappy home have made co-parenting with a narcissist even more challenging? Would I have had the energy to pursue my passions—like starting my art gallery or becoming a divorce coach?
The truth is, staying stuck is often harder than leaving. Many of my clients—whether they’re searching for a lawyer near them for divorce or navigating the challenges of co-parenting—share how relieved they feel once their divorce is finalized. They’re often surprised by how quickly life starts to feel lighter and brighter.
One client told me, “I was so angry at myself for waiting this long. I feel like I can finally breathe again.” Another shared how her attorney for family law near her helped her understand the process, but she needed a divorce coach to provide emotional clarity and support.
Divorce is undeniably hard, especially in cases of high-conflict divorces or when co-parenting with a difficult ex. But choosing the right support system—a knowledgeable family law attorney, a high-conflict divorce coach, and a plan for your future—can make all the difference. Finding Clarity in the Chaos
When Rachel first called me, she sounded completely overwhelmed. “I don’t even know where to start,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “I never thought I’d be here—Googling ‘divorce coach’ because I don’t know what else to do.”
Rachel’s story isn’t unique, but it’s still deeply personal. Like so many others, she had been stuck in what I call the limbo stage--that place where you’re not sure whether to stay or leave. Every day felt like a battle: arguments with her spouse, sleepless nights, and the constant fear of making the wrong decision. She had already consulted a lawyer near her for divorce, but even with the legal side in motion, she felt lost. “I thought once I hired an attorney, I’d feel more in control,” she said. “But the logistics of divorce are just one piece of the puzzle. What about everything else? The emotions, the decisions about my kids, the life I’m trying to rebuild—how do I handle all of that?” This is where divorce coaching comes in.
During our first session, I asked Rachel a question that changed everything for her: What does your life look like one year from now, if everything has gone the way you hope?
For the first time in months, she paused and really thought about her answer. She didn’t talk about court battles or dividing assets; she described peace. She envisioned a home filled with laughter instead of tension, a co-parenting arrangement that worked for her children, and a career she could focus on without constant distractions. As a divorce coach, my role is to help clients like Rachel bridge the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. For Rachel, that meant unpacking her fears, breaking down the overwhelming process into manageable steps, and learning how to advocate for herself during a high-conflict divorce. 
Over the next few months, Rachel transformed. She grew more confident in communicating her needs with her attorney and setting boundaries with her spouse. She even started to see glimpses of the life she had described in our first session—a life filled with peace and possibility.
When her divorce was finalized, Rachel told me, “I couldn’t have done this without you. My lawyer handled the legal stuff, but you helped me find myself again.” Whether you’re just starting to explore your options or are already knee-deep in the process, a divorce coach can provide clarity and support in ways you might not expect. If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, let’s talk. Your next chapter is waiting, and you don’t have to face it alone. Schedule your Free 30 Minute Divorce Consultation call today—because sometimes, the hardest step is the first one. 
Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what we’re grateful for, but for those navigating their first Thanksgiving during or after a divorce, it can feel anything but celebratory. As a divorce coach, I’ve walked this road myself and supported many clients through similar challenges. I remember my own first Thanksgiving post-divorce vividly.
My Divorce Was Finalized
the very week of Thanksgiving. I remember the overwhelming loneliness of walking into family gatherings solo. Social media, with its flood of happy couples and cozy family moments, only deepened my sense of isolation. My ex was off traveling with his family, and I couldn’t leave town because I was launching a new business. The weight of my full-time job, the demands of my business, and my sleep deprivation left me feeling utterly unlovable.
This week, a client shared her own story with me. Her ex-husband, who had barely lifted a finger in their marriage, was now hosting Thanksgiving, complete with cooking alongside their kids. She admitted, “It feels like a slap in the face. Why couldn’t he do these things for me when we were together?”
These feelings after Divorce are Common and Valid.
As a divorce coach in Central Illinois, I’ve seen the frustration of watching an ex suddenly take actions they never would have considered during the marriage—hosting family gatherings, exercising, or spending more time with the kids. It stirs up emotions of inadequacy and confusion: Wasn’t I worth that effort?
After sharing her story, my client and I worked together to reframe her experience. While it was painful to see her ex doing things she had long wished for during their marriage, we discussed how his actions no longer defined her worth. Instead, we focused on her own strength in creating a peaceful, welcoming holiday environment for herself and her children. She decided to plan a special day that reflected her values—a relaxed, low-pressure meal with a few close friends and family, followed by games and laughter with her kids. By focusing on what she could control, she began to reclaim the holiday as her own, finding moments of joy amidst the grief. This shift reminded her that Thanksgiving, like life after divorce, is about finding gratitude in the small, meaningful things while giving herself grace to grieve the rest.
Here’s what I’ve learned and share with my clients: Divorce changes people. It forces everyone involved to reevaluate their lives and often sparks behavior shifts. While it’s tempting to view these changes as spiteful or directed at us, it’s important to recognize that these actions are more about their journey than a reflection of your worth.
How to Navigate Holiday Emotions After Divorce
The Divorce Journey is Tough,
but it’s also transformative. Looking back now, almost 20 years after my divorce, I see how much I’ve grown. I’ve built a fulfilling life with my husband, Ben, and our children. We host Thanksgiving together—a joyful, collaborative effort. I often wish I could go back in time to hug my younger self and reassure her: You’re doing the right thing. Trust yourself.
As a divorce coach,
You’re not just surviving—you’re paving the way to something greater.
XO Katie |
