What exactly does a divorce coach do??

So, what exactly DOES a Divorce Coach do??

I get asked this all the time, especially when I meet someone new. It’s usually accompanied by nervous laughter or jokes about spouses maybe already being in touch with me. 

I decided to become a Certified Divorce Coach after not only going through my own divorce, but after years of helping friends and acquaintances though theirs.  It got to the point where I was attending attorney meetings with them to help make sense of the process and get forward momentum.

This was all done fairly casually and went well because I’m good at staying organized and helping people stay on task.  At one point I had a revelation though. There are Wedding Planners that help plan a single day, why are there not Divorce planners to help manage a MUCH larger life event?

So I looked into it and sure enough, there are Divorce Planners!  They just generally are called Divorce Coaches, although I’ve been referred to as all sorts of things!  A favorite is Divorce Counselor although I’m quick to correct.  I’m not a therapist and I don’t pretend to be one.  I’ve also been called a Divorce Doula which is also quite fitting since a Doula is hired to provide support through the birth of a child, but not actually deliver the child.  Some people have called me a Divorce Guide or Divorce Strategist.  

These are all great ways to describe what I do but I prefer Divorce Coach.  The biggest reason is that I am here to COACH my clients!  I don’t just tell them what to do.  We talk about what they need for their unique divorce journey.  Every single divorce is different and each of my clients has different needs, goals and wants through the process. 

I’ve worked with people who divorce with no children. They have very unique needs and emotions.  I’ve worked with people who are divorcing someone who is terminally ill.  I’ve coached clients who are divorcing someone who is a Serial Cheater.  I’ve worked with clients who are divorcing with their own mental illness.  

There are so many variables in the divorce process!  Even location makes a huge difference sometimes!  While I live in Central Illinois and 60% of my clients have hired me because I am a Divorce Coach in Illinois, I have a good number of clients in other states.  My Certification allows me to be a Divorce Coach anywhere in the United States and it’s such an interesting part of my job to see how Divorce is similar but different across state borders. I’ve found that often the processes are the same but the terminology is slightly different.  

But what does it look like to work with me?

After our Initial Free Consult, I have a Client Coach Agreement that needs to be completed as well as the Coaching Fee.  I charge a flat rate for my services because I feel strongly that my clients who are navigating the divorce process need something in their life they can count on. I don’t ever want them to be afraid to contact me because it will cost more money!

Once the Client Coach Agreement is signed and the Fee is paid, we schedule our first call or meeting. I generally work with clients over the phone but will meet in person at my office in Morton if they prefer.  This first meeting often takes about an hour. We go over the different paths to divorce and determine which path they prefer based on the different options. From there, we talk about the professionals that can help them.  I have a few favorite family law attorneys that I love to refer my clients to but they don’t have to use them.  If my clients live somewhere where I don’t have a personal connection to a divorce lawyer, then we talk about best practices in hiring a lawyer that will work for them, and work for them well.  

A lot of people are intimidated by lawyers!  I get it.  They’re well educated, busy and expensive. I empower my clients to understand the divorce process and learn how to hire the best divorce lawyer for their situation.  

Once they have hired a professional, we talk about what’s next.  We plan out a conversation for them to have with their spouse, especially if it’s going to be a surprise.  We want this to go well!  My goal for my clients is for them to have the most peaceful and gentle divorce possible.  Is everyone going to be sitting around a bonfire singing Kumbaya afterward? Probably not.  But if we can avoid World War III so everyone can co-parent peacefully if there are children involved and each person can get on with their life then that’s a win.  

From there, I like to call it a Choose Your Own Adventure!  I’m with my divorce clients every step of the way. They can text me anytime (although I won’t respond if I’m sleeping of course!)  But they have full access to me the entire time.  I’ve never had anyone take advantage of this and I feel confident that my clients are getting the best service they can from me.  We schedule longer calls when Mediation is coming up or perhaps a meeting with a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem), although very few of my clients end up in that scenario. Why? Because I help keep tension low and set expectations. In fact, I’ve only had one client end up in a GAL office, and that person didn’t communicate well with me. That’s my Number One expectation of my clients. I NEED them to tell me what is going on if I don’t know, then I can’t help.  I am positive I could have kept them out of the GAL if they had updated me more along the way.  

I just texted with a past client yesterday. She told me that, along with a job change, she has had the greatest year she has had in ages since her divorce.  She’s lived a very full life with having the chance to live in Europe even but she said her heart has never felt better. I remember when she called me and was completely torn and hurting.  Depressed, stressed, angry and sad.  I see pictures of her social media now and she is bright and shining and full of joy. It’s like a blanket being lifted off that you didn’t realize you were wearing once you get to the other side of a divorce.  

I'd love to talk with you about your needs, desires and goals for your divorce.  Look at my calendar below and we'll take 30 minutes to Focus Forward on YOUR life!

xo
Katie