5 Key professionals in the Divorce Process

Starting and managing the Divorce Process is overwhelming. Doing it well takes patience, understanding and sometimes, a lot of money. This is why it’s important to know who you’ll encounter along the way to help you focus on the business side of divorce with fewer surprises and avoid unexpected divorce costs.

In this post I’ll share the different professionals involved in the divorce process and help you understand the role each of them performs.

1. Family Law Attorney
2. Paralegal/legal assistant
3. Divorce Coach
4. Mediator
5. GAL

It takes awhile to understand what each professional’s role is in the divorce process, and you don’t want to wait until you have a meeting scheduled with them to learn. That’s why I put together this easy list to help you!
​

---

How Do You Make the Most of Knowing What Each of These Professionals Do?

Once you start the divorce process, it’s easy to feel like you’re getting swept away in a riptide. Without planning and understanding, it’s easy to feel like you’re just shuffled along with legal acronyms that you don't know their meaning.  

By understanding who each of these divorce professionals are, you’ll have time to more effectively research what their purpose is, their track record and prepare for your time with them. 

---

Family Law Attorney

A Family Law Attorney is probably the first professional you’ll encounter in your divorce process.  
Their purpose is to:

1. File the correct paperwork with your local county court system. There’s a lot of paperwork that happens especially in the beginning of the divorce process. The attorney makes sure the right documents are sent to your STBX’s attorney and the courts in a timely manner.
2. Help you come up with or respond to an offer in divorce negotiations. Depending if you file first or your STBX, your attorney will write an offer based on your goals and results desired.  
3. Push the process forward if they see delays from your STBX. Sometimes things STOP moving forward in the divorce process, to no fault of yours! Your attorney has the ability to make motions to push the process forward and request court dates in front of a judge. 
4. Represent and advocate for you. Your divorce attorney works for YOU.  They should be advocating for the best possible settlement within the constraints of the law for you.

Paralegal/Legal Assistant

A good Paralegal is PRICELESS in the divorce process.  A lot of clients feel frustrated that they ‘never hear from their attorney and only get to talk to the paralegal’ but a lot of times, that’s actually a good thing!  A Paralegal is usually a fraction of the hourly cost of a Family Law Attorney, and more often than not, knows just as much. While they can’t practice law, they can give you guidance on the process, the paperwork and next steps.  It’s a good idea to try to get your answer first from the Paralegal before contacting your attorney.  

Pro Tip: Be nice to the Paralegal! Many attorneys feel very protective of their assistants. If you’re rude or disrespectful to them, your attorney will probably hear about it.

---

Divorce Coach

A divorce coach can be hired at any point in the process but is best if brought in earlier on.  They can make much more impact in saving you from unnecessary expenses by helping you focus your energies on the next best steps.  Too often emotions get the best of someone who is divorcing and they dig their heels in for an unreasonable settlement.  When this happens, and their STBX doesn’t agree, the process comes to a halt and MORE professionals that cost MORE money need to be called in.  

A Divorce Coach cannot offer legal advice but they will help you put your divorce together. You can think of them like a Wedding Planner or a Doula. While they won’t bake your wedding cake or actually deliver your baby, they are there to make sure you know what is happening, who to hire to help you and ensure the process keeps moving forward.

You can learn more about what I do as a Divorce Coach here!

Mediator

When a couple is divorcing and they can’t come to an agreement fast enough on their own, with the help of their attorneys, a court ordered mediator is often hired.  This mediator has been trained in accordance with Family law in your state, although they usually cannot practice law or give advice. 








​A mediator CAN:

1. Help you and your STBX find common ground
2. Explain how the courts will generally rule if your divorce were to go before a judge.
3. Offer guidance based on your situation and creative ideas on how to work through challenges.
   ​

A mediator CANNOT:
​
  1.  Offer legal advice
  2.  Take one party's side of the other
  3.  Determine the best agreement without working through it with you and your spouse.

Red Flag:  Visits with the mediator can be frustrating.  Often clients are at this point because one member of the divorcing couple has dug in their heels or an attorney has dropped the ball in negotiations.  The goal of the Mediator is to UNITE but unfortunately by this point, uniting is the farthest from some people’s minds.  They sometimes have irrational ideas on what they think they can get from a divorce settlement. Other times there is an emotional immaturity that prevents a unified divorce decision.  

FYI: The next step after this is a court case in front of a judge to decide the outcome.  Using a mediator is usually a last ditch effort to work out the divorce proceedings.  Going to court is expensive, time consuming and emotionally draining.

---

GAL

This is the Guardian Ad Litem, often referred to as the GAL.  The GAL’s role is to represent the children of a divorcing couple when the parents cannot come to an agreed parenting plan.  The GAL is court ordered and is responsible for talking to the children as well as the parents, other family members, key people in the children’s lives, think teachers or day care providers.  
Because the GAL is trying to understand a family dynamic in a short amount of time, they often ask very direct questions, which can inflame parents and make them feel like their parenting is being attacked.  

Pro tip: Stay calm!  If you get angry or lose your temper with the GAL, that may align with what your STBX says about you and the way you parent. The GAL is there to help the children.  Most parents want what is best for their children, so help the GAL reach that understanding.  Approaching the GAL from a point of view of thankfulness will help you keep your emotions in check and your goals aligned. 

You've Got This!

The divorce process is overwhelming but if you have an understanding of who you’ll encounter, it will feel less intimidating. The professionals, while expensive, are there to help you and your spouse get through the process in the smoothest way possible.  The goal is divorce well and move on with your life.  While sometimes it can feel validating to want to fight back and fight hard against your ex, remember that the best way to heal is to move on with your life.  It is not to get stuck in a nasty, expensive legal battle that will only drain your emotions and your finances and stop you from being your best self.  

---

About Katie VandenBerg

Katie began as a Divorce Coach after seeing the pitfalls too many friends were falling in during their divorce process.  She became a Certified Divorce Coach in 2020 and has helped numerous clients have successful, low cost and amicable divorces.  

She coaches her clients 1:1 and also has created a low cost and thorough course to help women and men divorce with grace and dignity while preserving their finances.   If you think you're ready to divorce but feeling stuck based on some stories you've heard, check out my guide, Top Five Divorce Myths, to see if any sound familiar!