Addicted to saving your marriage

Happy New Year!  Our kids are still out of school here in Central Illinois, so I haven’t quite hit my New Year’s groove yet but it’s also nice to have a few more slow days before the school and activity schedules start back up.  

My husband and I spent time one evening last week working on a Goal Board. Not quite a vision board but still a visual representation of what we want in our life.  We picked about seven different aspects of life like Financial, Work/Career or Relationships and then each declared goals for those categories.  Some goals are static, meaning when we achieve them we can cross them off. Others are dynamic, meaning they are habits we want to form.  It was nice to come to some similar goals but also see what each other is shooting for so we can support when needed.One of my big static goals is I want to be able to do five hanging pull-ups at the gym.  I can barely hang right now.  Let’s do this! 

I’ve been thinking though too about BAD habits that we all have that we want to break.  I’ve been working on less social media time. This means less posts for my Focused Forward page but if it comes at the benefit of my mental health and more time with my kids, I’m okay with that!  

Interestingly, I have noticed a trend with some people in what I would consider a bad habit and that’s an addiction to trying to save a marriage that is unsalvageable. It’s not unlike gambling.  The marriage is filled with toxic attitudes and behaviors and is generally negative in spirit, but Every So Often there’s a glimmer of positivity. It’s like when the slot machines let you win JUST enough to convince you that the next pull might be the big one.  But of course, it isn’t.  So you keep pulling (figuratively, of course) to keep your marriage together.  Keep pulling to find that positive glimmer again.  And you get JUST to the point where you are ready to quit and BAM there it is.  A smile when you least expected it.  Hand-holding.  Flowers on the counter when you come home.  A cuddle in bed when you haven’t touched in five months.  And just like that you’re thrust back into the cycle.  

Like any addiction, you have to own your healing. You have to take charge. You have to WANT to get better.  No one can force you to do it. No one will ever come to save you.  You have to save yourself by taking that first empowered step.  

What does that look like?  That looks like saying “Enough is Enough.” There’s the phrase “stop throwing good money after bad” and I think that applies to emotions too. Stop throwing your good emotions, your good energy, your good time, after bad.  

Does this sound familiar to you?  Have you lived this reality?  I’d love to hear from you! And if you need help with that first empowered step, let’s get started with clarity and confidence.