Valentine's Day 2024

Valentine’s Day 2024

A lot of us have a Love-Hate Relationship with Valentine’s Day.  While I’m happy to, heck I even ENJOY, showing my love to my kids and husband on Valentine’s Day, I don’t love the marketing behind it.  I don’t love that the showing of love is EXPECTED and is marketed to be done in a certain way or else it ‘doesn’t count.’

I distinctly remember going through my divorce while I worked as a loan officer at a small local bank outside of Peoria, Illinois.  All day long there was a parade of flowers being delivered to my female co-workers.  Every time a different florist delivery driver stopped in, all the ladies excitedly stood up to look over their cubicle walls to see if there was a delivery for them. One lady even had a singing telegram!?  Okay…I mean, that was a little much. And weird. She just stood there awkwardly while we all stared at her and she was sung to by the troupe. That part certainly didn’t make me feel envious!

Notwithstanding the singing telegram, I remember having a pit in my stomach. Everyone knew what I was going though.  NONE of those flowers were going to be for me and we all knew it. I worked hard to show happiness for my friends and co-workers as they beamed with pride. I hope I did a good enough job. They were not trying to rub it in my face (at least I don’t think they were!) but it still hurt my feelings.  It also felt like my divorce stood out extra that day.  Like I was wearing the proverbial Scarlet Letter.  

What was wrong with ME that I didn’t have that love? That no one cared about me enough to send flowers? That I didn’t have dinner reservations with someone special?  That I didn’t have a new piece of jewelry to show off and get the oohh's and aahh's over that day?

Nothing. Nothing was wrong with me. Although I didn’t realize it then. It just took me awhile to figure it out.

A day filled with Facebook and Instagram posts by friends receiving the coveted dozen red roses, flowers showing up for co-workers who blush and giggle that "He remembered!" and images on television of handsome men suddenly latching a new diamond pendant around their significant other's neck when she is not expecting it is not an accurate gauge of how lovable we are. 

Brace yourselves, my friends. No matter the stage of separation or divorce that you are in you may feel triggered multiple times today. You may not even be at that stage but in a marriage struggling to hang on by a thread of hope. You might be barely able to make it through dinner without a fight or tears. The word ‘divorce’ maybe has not even been uttered. But if there is no romantic love in your life to celebrate, you may feel just as empty and lonely.

Showmanship on the holiday that marketers of flowers, cars, jewelry and chocolates live for is not a mutually exclusive sign of your worthiness of love (or a strong marriage for that matter.)

Just because you may not be in a wildly loving relationship TODAY does not mean you are incapable of receiving or giving love. Just because you do not receive a dozen red roses does not mean you are less worthy of love than your cubicle partner. 

There are so many ways on this planet to love so many different people or creatures. If you think you might be triggered today, start a list of how you give and receive love, and to whom. I’ve found it’s much better to have a list ready to go to refer to when I am navigating a stressful life event.  A lot of times we don’t have the energy in those specific moments to come up with ways to love or good deeds or whatever it is we need to fill our cups. 

Here's a few to start:
Feeding the birds
Buy a special treat for your pup
Pick up doughnuts for your kids 
Schedule coffee with your favorite aunt
Make a phone call to your grandmother
Bake cookies for a neighbor
Plant a tree
Buy a new houseplant
Pick up garbage in your neighborhood
Welcome hugs from your friends
Write love letters to your kids
Journal to yourself
Call your parents
Volunteer at the local Crisis Nursery or Homeless Shelter
Sign up to be a CASA for a local child
Donate blood at the American Red Cross

What would you add?  

XO Katie

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