Hello Friends! Thank you for being part of the Focused Forward Community!
Although it’s still summer, I just finished a book called “Wintering” by Katherine May. Personally I love winter and while I fell right into her cozy imagery of blankets, candles and hot toddies, that wasn’t the purpose of the book.
Katherine writes about Wintering as an analogy for how we handle the hard times in our lives. The job losses, the illnesses, the parenting struggles and other dark periods of life. Her story takes us through her own Wintering. As I read it I thought of my own darker times as well as what my clients and future clients are navigating right now. I only wish I had had the chance to read this book two decades ago!
Divorce tends to be a different type of grief. A grief that is suffered alone, often in shame. Tucked away so it doesn’t offend others. Rather than face this grief head on and accept the Winter as it is (as Katherine builds out beautifully in her book) we especially hide this grief out of embarrassment of feeling like a failure for disrupting a pillar of society.
And so we suffer silently, alone at home. Maybe in a new house that doesn’t quite feel like home yet. Maybe we don’t feel accepted in the communities we are in. Maybe our church doesn’t support divorces. Maybe our friends have gone dark because they “don’t like drama” (more on that another time…)
I’m excited to help my clients through their Winter. Maybe the snowflakes are just starting to fall and preparations are needed. Maybe it’s full on Dark-at-4pm. Maybe your Winter is at the point where the snow crocuses are starting to peek through but it’s still bitterly cold.
How can we make our Winters work FOR us? How can we EMBRACE our Winter so we care for ourselves properly? How can we find the RIGHT community to Winter with?
If you are in a stage like this, I’ll leave you with this: Embrace it. Winter does not last forever. Allow yourself to feel the grief and care for yourself gently. Know that Divorce involves a grieving process not unlike the death of someone you love. Too often the shame of divorce overpowers the realization of the need to grieve. Allow yourself to grieve.
I always appreciate referrals! If you know someone who might benefit from my service, please send them my way! They can text or call me at 309-840-0881 or visit my website www.katievandenberg.com to learn more!
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Katie makes her life surrounded by river valleys and surprisingly beautiful cornfields. Her days are spent helping her divorce clients, working with her tenants, spending time on her pottery wheel and loving her family.