"The person who is willing to start has a standing invitation to a better future."
I found myself writing these words recently, and they've been echoing in my mind ever since. As a divorce coach who has walked this path myself and guided hundreds of others through their own journeys, I've come to realize that this simple truth captures something profound about divorce—and life in general. Every week, I field the same questions from clients: "How do I know when it's time to divorce?" "When is the best time to start the process?" "Should I wait until after the holidays, or until the kids are older, or until work settles down?" Here's what I've learned after years of coaching and my own personal experience: there is no perfect time to start. But the person willing to begin anyway despite the uncertainty, despite the fear, despite all the reasons to wait, that person holds the key to their own transformation. The Myth of Perfect Timing
We live in a culture obsessed with timing. We wait for the "right" moment to change jobs, start families, buy homes, or end marriages that no longer serve us. But when it comes to divorce, this obsession with perfect timing can become a prison that keeps us trapped in unhappy situations far longer than necessary.
I remember my own story. I spent over a year knowing my marriage was over, yet I kept finding reasons to postpone the inevitable conversation. First, it was the holidays: "I can't ruin Christmas." Then it was my spouse's work stress: "This isn't a good time for them." Next, it was the new business: "Let's wait until summer." The list was endless, and each excuse felt completely valid in the moment. What I didn't realize then was that I wasn't actually protecting anyone by waiting. I was simply prolonging everyone's pain, including my own. The "perfect" time I was waiting for? It was never going to come. 
The Questions That Keep You Stuck
Let me address the most common timing questions I hear, because chances are, you've asked yourself at least one of these:
"How do I know when it's time to divorce?"
This is perhaps the most common question I receive from people contemplating divorce, and it assumes there's a clear, definitive moment when divorce becomes the obvious choice. In reality, it's usually a gradual realization that grows stronger over time.
Common signs it may be time to consider divorce:
Many people spend years in this contemplation phase, hoping things will magically improve or waiting for some external sign that makes the decision easier. But clarity often comes from taking action and gathering information, not from waiting for perfect certainty. "When is the best time to divorce?"
This question suggests there's an optimal window for divorce, like a seasonal sale or a stock market opportunity. But divorce isn't a strategic business decision—it's a deeply personal choice about your life and happiness.
I've seen people wait for various "perfect" moments:
The real answer: The best time to divorce is when you've made the decision that your current situation is no longer acceptable, regardless of external circumstances. There will always be something on the horizon that makes "now" seem inconvenient. 
"Should I Wait to Divorce Until My Kids Are Older?"
This specific timing question deserves its own attention because it's one of the most common reasons people delay divorce.
Here's what the research and my experience tell us: Children are remarkably resilient, but they're also remarkably perceptive. They sense the tension, unhappiness, and disconnection in your home, even when you think you're hiding it well. What children actually need:
Additionally, the stress of living in a dysfunctional marriage affects your ability to be the parent you want to be. When you're emotionally depleted, you have less patience, energy, and joy to give your children. "Should I Wait Until After the Holidays to File for Divorce?"
Another common timing question revolves around holidays, birthdays, and special occasions. The desire to avoid "ruining" these events is understandable and comes from a place of compassion.
However, consider this: If your marriage is already struggling, the holidays may already feel strained. Forcing everyone to participate in holiday cheer while your marriage is crumbling can feel more dishonest than addressing the reality of your situation. A more helpful approach: Rather than asking "Should I wait until after the holidays?", ask yourself:
The Cost of Waiting
While you're searching for the perfect moment, real costs accumulate. These aren't just financial (though staying in an unhappy marriage certainly has economic implications), but emotional, psychological, and even physical costs.
The hidden costs of delaying your decision: For you: The stress of living in an incompatible marriage affects your health, career performance, friendships, and relationship with yourself. Chronic stress from an unhappy marriage can manifest as anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and physical health issues. Every day you wait is another day you're not investing in building the life you actually want. For your children: You're modeling an unhappy relationship. You're teaching them that this is what love looks like, what marriage should be. Children learn more from what they observe than what we tell them. If you stay in a marriage that makes you miserable, you're showing them that's acceptable and even expected. For your future: The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to envision and create a different life. You may also face more complicated financial situations as assets grow more intertwined, or find yourself delaying important life goals and dreams indefinitely. Financially: Many people are surprised to learn that educated, prepared divorcers actually spend less on their divorces. My clients save an average of $17,000 compared to national averages because they understand their options, avoid common pitfalls, and make informed decisions that prevent costly mistakes. The Power of Imperfect Action
Here's what I've learned from working with hundreds of divorcing individuals: the people who fare best aren't those who wait for perfect conditions. They're the ones who start before they feel ready, who take action despite uncertainty, who begin the journey even when the path isn't completely clear.
This might seem counterintuitive. We're taught to plan, to be certain, to have all our ducks in a row before making major life changes. But divorce requires a different approach: informed action rather than perfect certainty. Starting doesn't mean you have to file papers tomorrow. It means you begin gathering information. It means you start having honest conversations with yourself about what you want your life to look like. It means you begin building the knowledge and support system you'll need for the journey ahead. When I finally stopped waiting for the perfect moment and started taking action, even small actions like researching divorce processes and talking to a counselor, everything began to shift. I felt empowered instead of victimized, proactive instead of reactive. 
Your Standing Invitation To A Better Future
That quote I mentioned at the beginning isn't just pretty words; it's a fundamental truth about how change happens. The moment you decide you're willing to start, regardless of imperfect circumstances, you accept an invitation to a different future.
This invitation doesn't guarantee an easy path. Divorce is challenging under the best circumstances. But it guarantees that you're moving toward something instead of remaining stuck in something that isn't working. Your willingness to begin, to take that first step, however small, is what opens the door to possibilities you can't even imagine yet. Maybe it's rediscovering who you are outside of an unhappy marriage. Maybe it's creating a healthier environment for your children. Maybe it's finally being able to breathe freely again. Where to Begin: Your First Step Toward Divorce with Dignity
If you're reading this and recognizing yourself in these words, you might be wondering: "Okay, I'm ready to start, but what does that actually look like?"
The first step is education. Understanding the divorce process, knowing your options, and learning what to expect can transform overwhelming fear into manageable challenges. Knowledge truly is power, especially when you're facing something as complex as divorce. What you need to learn before filing for divorce:
The Trail Guide includes:
You can start gathering information privately and confidentially, building your knowledge and confidence before you take any public steps. This is the lowest-risk, highest-reward first step you can take. 
Taking the First Step Forward
I've walked this path myself, and I've guided hundreds of others through their own journeys. What I've learned is that the courage to start: imperfectly, incompletely, but authentically, is often the most important step in the entire process.
Your better future isn't waiting for perfect conditions. It's waiting for you to accept the invitation that's always been there, ready for you to claim it the moment you're willing to begin. The person who is willing to start has a standing invitation to a better future. That person could be you. That time could be now. Remember: there's no perfect time to start, but there's no better time than today to begin building the life you actually want to live. Your future self is waiting, and the invitation is always open.
Ready to take your first step? My Trail Guide to Divorcing with Dignity provides comprehensive, expert-led education about the divorce process that you can access immediately and work through at your own pace. Learn about your options, understand what to expect, and gain the confidence to move forward with clarity and dignity. Because the best time to start learning about your future is right now.
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