When is the right time to divorce?

Are you wondering if it's the right time to divorce? Many of my clients ask this difficult question: How do you know when it's time to divorce? It's common to feel like there’s always a reason to stay, even when things aren’t working. This is natural—nobody wants to go through a divorce. Despite being emotionally miserable, if you’re otherwise safe, housed, and financially stable, it can be even harder to determine the right path forward.

So, is there ever a "good time" to divorce? The truth is, no. However, there are times that may be easier or make more sense from a practical standpoint when considering the process of divorce.

Before You Have Kids or When the Kids Are Younger

If you’re in a struggling marriage and don’t have children, having kids will not fix your marriage. Let me repeat--kids will not improve your marriage.

I love my husband and our relationship is strong, but having a baby was incredibly hard. I was hormonal, he was sleep-deprived, and we were both juggling careers. Our son didn’t sleep through the night for a year, and it tested us in ways we never imagined. Having a baby adds stress to even the healthiest of marriages. So if your marriage isn’t in a good place, a child will only amplify the challenges. Don’t make the mistake of thinking a baby will solve the problems in your marriage—it won’t.
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I’m so grateful that my first husband and I made the choice to divorce before we had children. It allowed us to move forward without being tied to each other for life. If you can see that your marriage isn’t working, making the decision to divorce before having children could spare both of you from further complications down the line.

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If You Have Young Kids, Don't Wait Too Long

If you already have young children and your marriage is clearly over, delaying divorce will likely make things harder. Divorce becomes significantly more complex as kids grow older. Divorce with teenagers can be particularly challenging. Teens often experience big emotions, which can lead to manipulation or even turning one parent against the other. In some cases, teens’ mental health suffers significantly as they struggle to process the changes in their family dynamic.
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This isn’t the case for every family, but it is a common issue. If your marriage is over, consider acting sooner rather than later for the sake of your children’s long-term emotional well-being.

After You've Tried Marriage Counseling

If you’ve attempted marriage counseling, good for you! Seeking professional help is a responsible and admirable step. However, if counseling (or even individual therapy) hasn’t led to meaningful change, it might be time to consider divorce. Marriage counseling can only work if both partners are willing to put in the effort.
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If your spouse refuses to participate in counseling, take that as a clear sign that they aren’t invested in saving the relationship. A marriage can’t survive with only one partner trying, and hoping that things will change is often just a path to prolonged frustration and sadness. If this resonates with you, it might be time to move on. Make sure you have a good support system, and reach out to a professional divorce coach for guidance.

When You've Tried Everything Else

You’ve done everything in your power to save the marriage. You’ve kept the house a low-stress environment, you’ve worked harder, you’ve made compromises, and you’ve tried to be what your spouse wants. You’ve even gone through marriage counseling, attended church retreats, and sought advice from your pastor. And still—nothing.

If you’ve exhausted all options and your marriage remains loveless, it’s time to accept the truth: You are not the problem. Sometimes, one partner simply isn’t willing or able to invest in the marriage. In some cases, your spouse may not want to file for divorce because they don’t want to damage their reputation. Keeping up appearances can be a form of emotional manipulation—this is gaslighting, and if this sounds familiar, it’s happening to you.
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At this point, the only option is to prioritize your own well-being. Divorce might not be easy, but staying in a toxic, unloving marriage will only prolong your unhappiness.

Still Not Sure If It's Time To Divorce?

Knowing the right time to divorce isn’t easy, but recognizing the signs that it’s time to let go is a critical step in your personal growth and well-being. If you’re struggling with this decision, divorce coaching can help. I provide divorce coaching services designed to support you through every stage of the process.  Send a message to me and let's talk through your next best steps. 

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