Top 10 Things to Consider When Starting a Trial Separation

​A trial separation can be an emotionally charged step, but for many couples, it’s an opportunity to gain clarity about the future of their relationship. Whether you’re considering this path to reassess your marriage or prepare for the next chapter of your life after Divorce, it’s important to approach a Trial Separation with thoughtfulness, intention and preparation. Here are the top 10 things to think about when starting a trial separation to ensure the process is productive and respectful.

1. Define Your Goals For Your Trial Separation

Before initiating a trial separation, both partners should agree on its purpose. Are you using this time to work on your marriage, or are you leaning toward divorce? Clarifying your intentions can help avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
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One Client's Story: Megan and Tom decided on a trial separation after 15 years of marriage. Megan hoped the time apart would allow them to rediscover their individual identities, while Tom wanted to evaluate whether their relationship could still work. During the separation, Megan enrolled in a painting class, reigniting a passion she had long ignored, while Tom focused on therapy to address personal challenges. These individual pursuits gave them new perspectives and helped them communicate more openly when they met for their scheduled check-ins. By outlining their goals and committing to personal growth, they created a foundation for productive discussions that ultimately clarified the future of their relationship.

2. Set Clear Boundaries With Your Spouse

Boundaries are vital during a trial separation. Will you date other people? Can you have sex during your Trial Separation?  With each other or other people? How often will you communicate? Will you share finances? Establishing these rules upfront reduces confusion and potential conflict.

3. Communicate with Children

If you have kids, explain the trial separation in an age-appropriate way. Emphasize that both parents still love them and that this decision is about improving your relationship.
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One Client's Story: Sarah and Jake sat down with their two children to explain their trial separation. They reassured the kids that both parents would remain active in their lives and encouraged them to ask questions. To make the transition smoother, Sarah and Jake collaborated on a shared calendar that outlined parenting schedules and family activities. They also arranged regular family dinners to maintain a sense of normalcy. This open approach, coupled with consistent communication, helped their children feel secure despite the uncertainty.

4. Create a Trial Separation Agreement

A written agreement can outline logistics like living arrangements, financial responsibilities, and parenting schedules. This document serves as a reference point and helps manage expectations.

5. Consider Living Arrangements

Decide who will stay in the marital home and who will move out. If finances allow, consider renting a separate space for the partner who is leaving. This physical separation can help both individuals reflect and process their feelings. Use the boundaries as mentioned above to develop this agreement.

Nesting is also a popular way to live out a Trial Separation.  Each parent takes time in the marital home and rotates out with the other parent into another home or apartment. Sometimes even another bedroom can work for this if finances are tight!

6. Develop a Financial Plan

Money often becomes a sticking point during separations. Discuss how you’ll handle joint accounts, bills, and other financial obligations. Transparency is key to avoiding conflict.

7. Seek Support

Navigating a trial separation can be overwhelming. A divorce coach, especially one experienced in high-conflict situations, can provide guidance tailored to your needs. Search for terms like “divorce coach near me” or “best divorce coach” to find the right professional.

8. Take Time for Self-Reflection

A trial separation isn’t just about evaluating your relationship; it’s also an opportunity for personal growth. Use this time to explore your values, priorities, and goals. Journaling, therapy, or working with a coach for a high-profile divorce can be transformative.

I always encourage my clients to take a class if they can fit it into their budget. Is there something that they've longed to do but never felt like the could? This is your chance!  When your spouse has the children for their parenting time, schedule a yoga class, that pottery class that has always sparked your attention or join a running club. 

9. Create a Trial Separation Checklist

Having a checklist can keep you organized and focused. Here’s an example:

• Define goals for the separation
  
• Set boundaries
  
• Draft a trial separation agreement
  
• Decide on living arrangements
  
• Address financial responsibilities
  
• Communicate with children
  
• Seek professional support
  
• Schedule regular check-ins
  

10. Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Periodic check-ins allow you to evaluate how the trial separation is going. Are you achieving your goals? Is there progress in communication or understanding? These conversations can guide your next steps.

Why Work with a Certified Divorce Coach During a Trial Separation?

A divorce coach provides the support and perspective you need during this complex time. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I specialize in helping clients navigate trial separations with clarity and confidence. Whether you’re contemplating divorce or seeking to rebuild your marriage, I can guide you every step of the way.

To learn more about how I can help, schedule a Free Consultation. We'll take 30 minutes to talk about your unique situation and determine the next best steps.