How Divorce Coaching can help Navigate Shame, Loss, and New Beginnings

Although it’s still beautiful fall weather, I recently re-read *Wintering* by Katherine May. As someone who loves winter, I was immediately drawn into her imagery of cozy blankets, flickering candles, and the comforting warmth of a hot toddy. But the book’s purpose goes beyond these cozy winter scenes. May explores “wintering” as a metaphor for facing the hardest times in life—job losses, illnesses, parenting struggles, and other challenging periods. Her book shares her own wintering experience and, as I read it, I couldn’t help but think of my own dark seasons as well as the ones my clients are navigating now. I wish I had read this book two decades ago! ​

My Work As A Divorce Coach

How my personal experience shapes my work

When it comes to divorce, this “wintering” takes on a unique and often lonely form of grief, an experience too frequently marked by shame. Divorce grief is not often acknowledged in the same way as the loss of a loved one, yet it can carry a profound sense of failure, isolation, and even guilt. This is where the journey of a divorce coach becomes invaluable. Through divorce coaching, I work with individuals who are not only dealing with the practicalities of separation but are also processing a grief that feels as if it must be hidden.

I distinctly remember feeling that it was not okay to express sadness over the divorce.  That most people only wanted the "juicy details." Other times it was evident they had so much disdain for where I was in my life that they would never comprehend that there was grief attached to divorce. ​

Divorce Grief

The unique weight of divorce

Divorce is a grief that’s often endured alone, away from the support of others. For many, it’s a grief shadowed by a feeling of personal failure, as if the end of a marriage symbolizes the disruption of a social pillar. This internalized shame can be especially heavy, making it difficult to open up to friends, family, or community, even when support is needed most. For example, many of my clients have told me about feeling distanced from once-close friends or even judged by communities they had relied on. They describe sitting in a new house that doesn’t yet feel like home, wondering where they truly belong. It’s a grief with a unique sting because, unlike other losses, it’s complicated by the added layer of stigma.

High Conflict Divorce

A mix of big emotions

This was the case for Sarah (name changed), a client who came to me during the early stages of her high-conflict divorce. She was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions: anger, loneliness, and an all-encompassing sense of failure. Her grief, unlike other types, didn’t feel welcome in social spaces. Friends shied away, unable to “handle the drama,” and her family struggled to understand the depths of her emotions. Sarah felt lost in her own winter, surrounded by the chilling silence of her empty home. But through divorce coaching, we focused on her healing, building strategies to accept her feelings, and take steps toward rebuilding her confidence and life. Little by little, she embraced her winter, finding new support systems and allowing herself to feel and grieve without shame. ​

Crippling Shame and Grief

That stops you from progressing

For some, the shame associated with divorce runs so deep that even reaching out to a certified divorce coach feels overwhelming. Divorce can carry a stigma that makes people feel as though they must hide their pain and embarrassment. This often stems from fears of judgment, a sense of failure, or discomfort in opening up about deeply personal struggles. It’s common for people to feel as though discussing their divorce openly might somehow make it “more real” or that they will be viewed differently by those they turn to for guidance.

Understanding this struggle, I’ve created a course called *Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce.* This course is designed specifically for those who may feel too embarrassed to talk openly about their divorce, yet still want structured, compassionate support. The course provides step-by-step guidance to help you manage the emotional and practical challenges of divorce at your own pace. With *Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce,* you can access vital information, practical tools, and the comfort of knowing you’re not alone—all without having to discuss your journey directly if you're not ready.

If you’re hesitant to reach out in person, this course is an affordable and discreet resource that helps you move forward with confidence. You’ll find strategies for addressing grief, tools for rebuilding self-esteem, and guidance on navigating each stage of the divorce process. Taking this first step, even privately, can be a powerful act of self-care and a pathway toward healing on your terms.

Learn More about The Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce

What Does A Divorce Coach Do

When clients are facing grief

In divorce, as in any major loss, healing begins with acceptance and self-care. Instead of hiding your pain, allow yourself the grace to experience it fully. Think of this time as your personal winter—a season that, while cold and sometimes unrelenting, will eventually give way to something new. During our work together, I help clients look inward, offering support to move through their winter and prepare for the season of growth and renewal that awaits. I also help my clients find therapists that are right for them by coaching on how to research for an interview therapists.

If you’re in the middle of a high conflict divorce, considering separation, or already processing the end of a marriage, remember that this winter season, like all winters, will pass. Surround yourself with the right support, embrace your emotions without shame, and allow yourself the time and space to grieve. With a trusted divorce coach by your side, you can navigate the complexities of divorce, find the right tools to process your grief, and ultimately rebuild a new, fulfilling life on your terms.

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