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A trial separation can be a constructive step for couples seeking clarity about their relationship. However, without a clear plan, it can easily become a source of confusion and conflict. That’s why having a detailed checklist is so important. This guide will help you create a structure that ensures your trial separation is productive and respectful for both partners.
Why You Need a Trial Separation ChecklistA trial separation checklist serves as a roadmap for your time apart. It covers everything from setting goals to managing day-to-day logistics. Whether you’re contemplating reconciliation or preparing for divorce, this checklist can help you stay organized and reduce unnecessary stress. Trial Separation Checklist1. Define the Purpose of the Separation
2. Set a Timeline
Determine how long the separation will last. Common timelines range from three to six months, but it’s essential to choose a duration that works for both partners. Agree to revisit the arrangement periodically to evaluate progress.
I had such a wonderful experience, Katie was very helpful and kind through the whole process. I would definitely recommend using her for your divorce needs. She was excellent at guiding me through the toughest moments! - Kerry C. 3. Draft a Written Agreement
4. Decide on Living Arrangements
Determine who will stay in the marital home and who will move out. If finances allow, consider renting a separate space. Ensure the arrangement is practical and supports your goals for the separation
Simply put…. Katie is amazing! I chose to work with Katie 8 months into my divorce journey when the process had come to a complete standstill. I was not getting anywhere with my attorney . She gave me intelligent, thoughtful advice and the tools I needed to expedite the divorce. It took less than 6 weeks of working with Katie for my divorce to be finalized. I couldn’t have asked for better support! Not only did Katie give me the right guidance, she was very caring and checked in and followed up with me ALL along the journey. - Kendra B. 5. Establish Financial Guidelines
6. Create a Parenting Plan
Katie was so wonderful! During what started out as a very stressful time in my life she helped me stay grounded and focused on the end result which was what was best for me and my family. She offered good advice and made herself available to talk and reassure me! 7. Set Communication Boundaries
8. Address Emotional Needs
9. Plan for Personal Growth
10. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
11. Consider Legal Advice
Even if you’re not planning to divorce, consulting a legal professional can help you understand your rights and responsibilities. This is particularly important if financial or custody issues are involved. This is also important if you feel like your spouse is trying to scare you out of a divorce. Check out my guide below if that resonates with you!
12. Have an Exit Strategy
Define what happens at the end of the trial separation. Will you reconcile, extend the separation, or move toward divorce? Having an exit strategy ensures that both partners are on the same page. Working with a marriage counselor can help define these goals and expectations together.
Additional Tips for a Successful Trial SeparationHow a Divorce Coach Can Help
How a Divorce Coach Can Help with a Trial Separation
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Navigating the decision to divorce is never easy. Whether you're in a high-profile marriage, dealing with a high-conflict divorce, or feeling stuck in a relationship plagued by "roommate syndrome," open and honest communication can provide clarity. As a divorce coach, I've guided many clients through these pivotal moments, helping them determine whether to move forward or seek solutions to repair their relationship. Below, I’ve outlined ten key questions to ask your spouse before filing for divorce. These range from logistical to deeply emotional and can help you make a more informed decision about the future of your marriage.
Setting Expectations for the Conversation
Also, remember that their wants don't always equal what they will get. Just because they WANT the kids 75% of the time doesn't meant they'll get it. Or just because they WANT to keep their entire Roth IRA that they contributed to while you stayed home with the kids so they could build their career, doesn't mean they'll get to. If their answers seem extreme, unfair or threatening, schedule a consult with me and together we'll get your divorce on the right path.
Emotion Based Questions for Divorce1. Do You Feel That Our Marriage Is Meeting Your Needs?
2. Are You Willing to Work on Our Marriage?
If you’re contemplating divorce but are open to reconciliation, this question is crucial. It gauges your spouse’s willingness to attend counseling or seek other forms of relationship support. If they’re unwilling, this insight might help solidify your decision to move forward.
3. What Do You Think Has Changed Between Us Over Time?
Understanding how your spouse perceives the evolution of your relationship can shed light on areas of disconnection. This conversation starter often uncovers moments of misunderstanding or neglect that could be addressed if both parties are willing.
4. Do You See Us Growing Old Together?
5. What Does “Happiness” Look Like for You in This Marriage?
By asking this question, you’ll gain insight into your spouse’s values, priorities, and expectations. If your visions of happiness don’t align, it could be a sign that the relationship’s foundation is fractured.
Logistical Questions6. How Would You Envision Co-Parenting if We Divorced?
7. Are You Open to a Collaborative or Amicable Divorce?
High-conflict divorces can be emotionally draining and financially devastating. By asking this question, you’ll better understand your spouse’s willingness to work toward a fair resolution without unnecessary hostility.
8. What Are Your Financial Concerns If We Divorce?
9. What Do You Think Is Fair When It Comes to Dividing Our Assets?
This question helps you understand your spouse’s perspective on fairness in the division of marital property. Knowing their stance early on can influence your approach to negotiation or mediation.
10. How Would You Feel About Working with a Divorce Coach?A divorce coach can provide invaluable support in navigating the emotional and logistical complexities of divorce. Introducing this concept to your spouse may help them understand that professional guidance can lead to a more constructive and less adversarial process. Why Asking These Questions Matters
The Role of a Certified Divorce Coach
My Thoughts as a Certified Divorce Coach
Divorce is a life-changing decision that should never be made lightly. By engaging in open and honest conversations with your spouse, you can gain valuable insights into the state of your relationship and make a more informed choice. If you’re struggling to navigate this challenging time, or you want to divorce in the best way possible I’m here to help you move toward a brighter, more empowered future.
Why Is It Called Divorce Day?
Divorce Day has earned its title due to the noticeable spike in inquiries from people seeking divorce-related services after the holidays. The reasons behind this trend vary:
Waiting for the New Year: One Client’s Story
“I thought waiting until the holidays were over would make things simpler,” she told me. “But then life kept throwing curveballs—work stress, unexpected legal complications, and trying to explain everything to the kids. It was like there was never a good time to do this.”
That’s when Emily leaned into the support of divorce coaching. Together, we created a roadmap for her divorce journey, breaking it into manageable steps and addressing each hurdle as it came. Whether it was preparing for mediation, navigating co-parenting conversations, or finding moments of self-care, Emily learned that having a trusted guide made all the difference. There’s Never a Perfect Time to Divorce—But You Can Be Prepared
That’s where a divorce coach comes in.
And because I work with clients nationwide, I’m here to support you no matter where you’re located. Whether you’re in Peoria, Illinois, or across the country, you deserve guidance that empowers you to move forward with confidence.
Why Choose a Divorce Coach?
Unlike attorneys or therapists, a divorce coach is focused on helping you navigate the logistical and emotional complexities of divorce. Think of it as having a trail guide on a challenging hike—someone who knows the terrain, anticipates obstacles, and keeps you moving forward.
Here are a few ways I’ve helped clients in Central Illinois and beyond:
Your Fresh Start After Divorce Awaits
If you’re considering divorce this January, know that you’re not alone. Divorce Day may mark the beginning of your journey, but it doesn’t have to be a journey you take by yourself. Whether you’re facing a high-conflict divorce, navigating the complexities of a high-profile separation, or just trying to figure out the next step, I’m here to help.
Let’s make 2025 the year you move forward with clarity, courage, and support. Schedule a consultation today, and let’s navigate this journey together.
Divorce can feel like navigating an uncharted wilderness—overwhelming, emotional, and full of unforeseen obstacles. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With the right tools and guidance, you can move through your divorce with clarity, confidence, and yes, dignity. That’s why I created Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce, a comprehensive course designed to be your trusted companion through this challenging journey. Here’s what you need to know about the course, what it includes, and how it can help you reclaim your peace of mind while paving the way for a brighter future.
What Is the Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce Course?
For only $299, you get immediate, full access to the course. Each module includes a dedicated YouTube video and a Google Doc to help you put the lessons into action. You’ll also have the option to add a "One Hour to Clarity" call with me at a discounted rate of $79, giving you personalized guidance at a fraction of my standard coaching fee.
Even better? If you decide you want even more help from me after completing the course, the $299 course fee will be credited toward your 1:1 coaching package. Divorce Planning Made Simple: What You’ll Learn in Each Module
Here’s a glimpse at what the course covers:
Module 1: Choose the Right Path for Your Divorce
Module 2: Build Your Dream Divorce Support Team
Module 3: Parenting Through Divorce with Grace
Module 4: Financial Confidence During Divorce
Module 5: Stay Focused and Keep Moving Forward
Why My Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce Stands Out
The Trail Guide to Navigating Your Divorce isn’t just about surviving divorce; it’s about thriving through it. Here’s what sets it apart:
Who Should Enroll in This Divorce Coaching Course?
Take the First Step Toward Divorcing with Dignity
“I want a divorce, but my husband doesn’t. He’s happy keeping our unhappy marriage as-is. What if he says ‘no’?”
This is a question I hear a lot during consultations. On this particular call, the woman sounded tired and uncertain. She had been carrying the weight of a high-conflict marriage for years, and the idea of seeking divorce seemed daunting—especially because her husband refused to acknowledge their problems. The question itself reveals a common misconception about divorce: that both spouses need to agree. Many people have absorbed this idea from what I like to call “TV Divorce.” Think of the melodramatic scenes where a controlling spouse tears up divorce papers in a rage or a narcissistic partner smugly declares, "You can’t leave me." These narratives fuel anxiety and reinforce the myth that one person can block a divorce simply by refusing to cooperate. The reality, however, is far less dramatic—and far more empowering. 
Do You Need Your Spouse’s Permission to Divorce?
The answer is no. If you’re in Illinois, like many of my clients, you live in a no-fault divorce state. This means you don’t need to provide specific reasons like infidelity or abuse, nor do you need your spouse’s consent. The law allows you to file for divorce independently. In fact, across all 50 states, one spouse can file for divorce without the other’s agreement. While a few states, like Mississippi, Tennessee, and South Dakota, have additional requirements for no-fault divorces, these don’t mean both spouses must agree—they just require a reason.
States That Require a Cooling Off Period Before Divorce
Certain states also have separation or "cooling-off" periods designed to encourage couples to pause and reflect. While all states allow one spouse to file for divorce without the other's agreement, some require a period of separation or a cooling-off period before the divorce can be finalized. These requirements vary by state and are often designed to give couples time to reflect and consider reconciliation before moving forward. Here are the states with these provisions at the time of writing:
These timelines can feel like an additional hurdle, especially in high-conflict divorces, but they’re often manageable with the right legal and emotional support. A high-conflict divorce coach can help you strategize and stay focused during these waiting periods, ensuring you remain prepared and confident as you work toward your goals. Facing Resistance: Why Some Spouses Say "No"
It’s common for controlling or narcissistic spouses to resist divorce, even when they seem equally miserable in the marriage. Often, it’s not about love or reconciliation—it’s about control. Divorce threatens their carefully curated image or strips away the power they hold over their partner. While we can’t always pinpoint their exact motives, it’s important to remember this: their refusal to “allow” a divorce doesn’t stop you from pursuing it.
Three Ways to Respond When Your Spouse Doesn’t Agree to a Divorce
1. Kind But Firm
This approach works well if your spouse is more hurt than hostile. It acknowledges their feelings while making your stance clear:
“I understand that you are hurt by this. Believe me, this is not the path I expected for our lives either. But here we are. I am willing to move forward peacefully, amicably, and as fairly as possible. I fully intend to file for divorce. With your cooperation, we can both move on with our lives and, if children are involved, co-parent effectively. Let’s work together to come up with an agreement we can both live with and save as much money with attorneys as possible.” This type of response shows empathy but leaves no room for debate about your decision. It can help set the tone for a cooperative divorce process. 2. Stern But Firm
3. Protecting Your Sanity and Safety
If your spouse’s refusal to agree turns hostile or poses a danger to your emotional or physical well-being, your focus must shift to self-protection. In these cases, you don’t owe them an explanation. Instead, prioritize your safety.
You do not have to respond to their objections. If you are at risk of physical harm, get yourself and your children to a safe place. Work with an attorney to file for divorce, and have them served by a process server. You don’t need to be present for this step. Remember, it is not your responsibility to manage their emotions or their response to the divorce papers. This approach acknowledges that in high-conflict or abusive marriages, personal safety comes first. A high-conflict divorce coach or legal professional can guide you through the process while safeguarding your mental and physical well-being. Divorcing a Narcissist
Let me share the story of Susan (name changed for privacy), one of my clients who faced this exact dilemma. Susan had been married for over 20 years to a man who controlled every aspect of her life. When she told him she wanted a divorce, his response was immediate and dismissive:
“You’ll never go through with it. I won’t let you.” Susan felt trapped. His refusal to acknowledge her autonomy mirrored the years of control and manipulation she’d endured. But Susan reached out for help. Through divorce coaching, we explored her options, prepared her for the emotional and legal challenges ahead, and created a strategy to move forward safely. When she filed for divorce, her husband initially ignored the papers, insisting she’d never leave. But the legal system doesn’t allow one spouse to block a divorce, and Susan’s persistence paid off. Today, she’s living independently and rediscovering her sense of self. Her story is a testament to the fact that you don’t need anyone’s permission to reclaim your life.
“Life is hard—not because we’re doing it wrong, just because it’s hard.” – Glennon Doyle
When my first marriage began to unravel, I kept asking myself, Why is this so hard? I thought I had chosen the right partner. He was intelligent, hardworking, frugal, and kind—just like me. We were both good people. Shouldn’t this have been enough? 
Our Marriage Wasn't Working
But it wasn’t. As difficult as divorce seemed, not divorcing would have been exponentially harder.
Once I realized it was okay for two good people to not be good together, I started to see my situation more clearly. Divorce no longer felt like failure; it felt like choosing a better future. Accepting that my personality or work ethic didn’t guarantee marital success allowed me to focus on my personal success and healing. Letting go of the notion that divorce meant I was unworthy of love made moving forward possible. Divorce Is Hard
—so hard. But it wasn’t because we did anything wrong. In fact, deciding to part ways was one of the bravest, healthiest decisions we could have made.
What If I Hadn't Made the Decision to Divorce?
Would we have stayed together for years, only to face a high-conflict divorce later? Would raising children in an unhappy home have made co-parenting with a narcissist even more challenging? Would I have had the energy to pursue my passions—like starting my art gallery or becoming a divorce coach?
The truth is, staying stuck is often harder than leaving. Many of my clients—whether they’re searching for a lawyer near them for divorce or navigating the challenges of co-parenting—share how relieved they feel once their divorce is finalized. They’re often surprised by how quickly life starts to feel lighter and brighter.
One client told me, “I was so angry at myself for waiting this long. I feel like I can finally breathe again.” Another shared how her attorney for family law near her helped her understand the process, but she needed a divorce coach to provide emotional clarity and support.
Divorce is undeniably hard, especially in cases of high-conflict divorces or when co-parenting with a difficult ex. But choosing the right support system—a knowledgeable family law attorney, a high-conflict divorce coach, and a plan for your future—can make all the difference. Finding Clarity in the Chaos
When Rachel first called me, she sounded completely overwhelmed. “I don’t even know where to start,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “I never thought I’d be here—Googling ‘divorce coach’ because I don’t know what else to do.”
Rachel’s story isn’t unique, but it’s still deeply personal. Like so many others, she had been stuck in what I call the limbo stage--that place where you’re not sure whether to stay or leave. Every day felt like a battle: arguments with her spouse, sleepless nights, and the constant fear of making the wrong decision. She had already consulted a lawyer near her for divorce, but even with the legal side in motion, she felt lost. “I thought once I hired an attorney, I’d feel more in control,” she said. “But the logistics of divorce are just one piece of the puzzle. What about everything else? The emotions, the decisions about my kids, the life I’m trying to rebuild—how do I handle all of that?” This is where divorce coaching comes in.
During our first session, I asked Rachel a question that changed everything for her: What does your life look like one year from now, if everything has gone the way you hope?
For the first time in months, she paused and really thought about her answer. She didn’t talk about court battles or dividing assets; she described peace. She envisioned a home filled with laughter instead of tension, a co-parenting arrangement that worked for her children, and a career she could focus on without constant distractions. As a divorce coach, my role is to help clients like Rachel bridge the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. For Rachel, that meant unpacking her fears, breaking down the overwhelming process into manageable steps, and learning how to advocate for herself during a high-conflict divorce. 
Over the next few months, Rachel transformed. She grew more confident in communicating her needs with her attorney and setting boundaries with her spouse. She even started to see glimpses of the life she had described in our first session—a life filled with peace and possibility.
When her divorce was finalized, Rachel told me, “I couldn’t have done this without you. My lawyer handled the legal stuff, but you helped me find myself again.” Whether you’re just starting to explore your options or are already knee-deep in the process, a divorce coach can provide clarity and support in ways you might not expect. If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, let’s talk. Your next chapter is waiting, and you don’t have to face it alone. Schedule your Free 30 Minute Divorce Consultation call today—because sometimes, the hardest step is the first one. |
