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“Life is hard—not because we’re doing it wrong, just because it’s hard.” – Glennon Doyle
When my first marriage began to unravel, I kept asking myself, Why is this so hard? I thought I had chosen the right partner. He was intelligent, hardworking, frugal, and kind—just like me. We were both good people. Shouldn’t this have been enough? 
Our Marriage Wasn't Working
But it wasn’t. As difficult as divorce seemed, not divorcing would have been exponentially harder.
Once I realized it was okay for two good people to not be good together, I started to see my situation more clearly. Divorce no longer felt like failure; it felt like choosing a better future. Accepting that my personality or work ethic didn’t guarantee marital success allowed me to focus on my personal success and healing. Letting go of the notion that divorce meant I was unworthy of love made moving forward possible. Divorce Is Hard
—so hard. But it wasn’t because we did anything wrong. In fact, deciding to part ways was one of the bravest, healthiest decisions we could have made.
What If I Hadn't Made the Decision to Divorce?
Would we have stayed together for years, only to face a high-conflict divorce later? Would raising children in an unhappy home have made co-parenting with a narcissist even more challenging? Would I have had the energy to pursue my passions—like starting my art gallery or becoming a divorce coach?
The truth is, staying stuck is often harder than leaving. Many of my clients—whether they’re searching for a lawyer near them for divorce or navigating the challenges of co-parenting—share how relieved they feel once their divorce is finalized. They’re often surprised by how quickly life starts to feel lighter and brighter.
One client told me, “I was so angry at myself for waiting this long. I feel like I can finally breathe again.” Another shared how her attorney for family law near her helped her understand the process, but she needed a divorce coach to provide emotional clarity and support.
Divorce is undeniably hard, especially in cases of high-conflict divorces or when co-parenting with a difficult ex. But choosing the right support system—a knowledgeable family law attorney, a high-conflict divorce coach, and a plan for your future—can make all the difference. Finding Clarity in the Chaos
When Rachel first called me, she sounded completely overwhelmed. “I don’t even know where to start,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “I never thought I’d be here—Googling ‘divorce coach’ because I don’t know what else to do.”
Rachel’s story isn’t unique, but it’s still deeply personal. Like so many others, she had been stuck in what I call the limbo stage--that place where you’re not sure whether to stay or leave. Every day felt like a battle: arguments with her spouse, sleepless nights, and the constant fear of making the wrong decision. She had already consulted a lawyer near her for divorce, but even with the legal side in motion, she felt lost. “I thought once I hired an attorney, I’d feel more in control,” she said. “But the logistics of divorce are just one piece of the puzzle. What about everything else? The emotions, the decisions about my kids, the life I’m trying to rebuild—how do I handle all of that?” This is where divorce coaching comes in.
During our first session, I asked Rachel a question that changed everything for her: What does your life look like one year from now, if everything has gone the way you hope?
For the first time in months, she paused and really thought about her answer. She didn’t talk about court battles or dividing assets; she described peace. She envisioned a home filled with laughter instead of tension, a co-parenting arrangement that worked for her children, and a career she could focus on without constant distractions. As a divorce coach, my role is to help clients like Rachel bridge the gap between where they are now and where they want to be. For Rachel, that meant unpacking her fears, breaking down the overwhelming process into manageable steps, and learning how to advocate for herself during a high-conflict divorce. 
Over the next few months, Rachel transformed. She grew more confident in communicating her needs with her attorney and setting boundaries with her spouse. She even started to see glimpses of the life she had described in our first session—a life filled with peace and possibility.
When her divorce was finalized, Rachel told me, “I couldn’t have done this without you. My lawyer handled the legal stuff, but you helped me find myself again.” Whether you’re just starting to explore your options or are already knee-deep in the process, a divorce coach can provide clarity and support in ways you might not expect. If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, let’s talk. Your next chapter is waiting, and you don’t have to face it alone. Schedule your Free 30 Minute Divorce Consultation call today—because sometimes, the hardest step is the first one.
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Thanksgiving is often seen as a time to reflect on what we’re grateful for, but for those navigating their first Thanksgiving during or after a divorce, it can feel anything but celebratory. As a divorce coach, I’ve walked this road myself and supported many clients through similar challenges. I remember my own first Thanksgiving post-divorce vividly.
My Divorce Was Finalized
the very week of Thanksgiving. I remember the overwhelming loneliness of walking into family gatherings solo. Social media, with its flood of happy couples and cozy family moments, only deepened my sense of isolation. My ex was off traveling with his family, and I couldn’t leave town because I was launching a new business. The weight of my full-time job, the demands of my business, and my sleep deprivation left me feeling utterly unlovable.
This week, a client shared her own story with me. Her ex-husband, who had barely lifted a finger in their marriage, was now hosting Thanksgiving, complete with cooking alongside their kids. She admitted, “It feels like a slap in the face. Why couldn’t he do these things for me when we were together?”
These feelings after Divorce are Common and Valid.
As a divorce coach in Central Illinois, I’ve seen the frustration of watching an ex suddenly take actions they never would have considered during the marriage—hosting family gatherings, exercising, or spending more time with the kids. It stirs up emotions of inadequacy and confusion: Wasn’t I worth that effort?
After sharing her story, my client and I worked together to reframe her experience. While it was painful to see her ex doing things she had long wished for during their marriage, we discussed how his actions no longer defined her worth. Instead, we focused on her own strength in creating a peaceful, welcoming holiday environment for herself and her children. She decided to plan a special day that reflected her values—a relaxed, low-pressure meal with a few close friends and family, followed by games and laughter with her kids. By focusing on what she could control, she began to reclaim the holiday as her own, finding moments of joy amidst the grief. This shift reminded her that Thanksgiving, like life after divorce, is about finding gratitude in the small, meaningful things while giving herself grace to grieve the rest.
Here’s what I’ve learned and share with my clients: Divorce changes people. It forces everyone involved to reevaluate their lives and often sparks behavior shifts. While it’s tempting to view these changes as spiteful or directed at us, it’s important to recognize that these actions are more about their journey than a reflection of your worth.
How to Navigate Holiday Emotions After Divorce
The Divorce Journey is Tough,
but it’s also transformative. Looking back now, almost 20 years after my divorce, I see how much I’ve grown. I’ve built a fulfilling life with my husband, Ben, and our children. We host Thanksgiving together—a joyful, collaborative effort. I often wish I could go back in time to hug my younger self and reassure her: You’re doing the right thing. Trust yourself.
As a divorce coach,
You’re not just surviving—you’re paving the way to something greater.
XO Katie
When it comes to addiction, most people think of substances like alcohol or gambling. But there is another insidious addiction that can consume one's life—an addiction to saving a marriage that has long since become toxic and unsalvageable. As a divorce coach, I’ve witnessed countless clients go through this heartbreaking cycle. They find themselves constantly hoping, holding on to fleeting positive moments that give them just enough of a glimmer to keep pulling the lever on a marriage that’s stuck in a destructive loop. If you feel like this describes your situation, you are not alone—and there is a way out.
Let me share the story of Jessica (name changed for privacy). Jessica came to me feeling exhausted and defeated. She had spent years trapped in what I call "roommate syndrome" with her husband. They were living under the same roof, but any emotional and physical connection was long gone. They coexisted, but they didn’t truly share a life. On rare occasions, her husband would surprise her—a spontaneous dinner date or a heartfelt compliment that made her believe things could get better. But these moments of hope were always followed by weeks of distance, arguments, and cold silences.
Addicted to Saving Your Marriage
Jessica was addicted to these glimmers of positivity, like a gambler at a slot machine. She clung to the hope that the next small win would be the jackpot she had long sought—a return to the loving marriage they once had. Each brief moment of happiness pulled her back in, preventing her from truly acknowledging that their relationship had become a toxic cycle.
What Does a Divorce Coach Do?
When Jessica sought my help as a divorce coach, we began by facing the reality of her situation. Through divorce coaching, we worked to break down the patterns that kept her stuck. One of the most powerful realizations was that she had been throwing her "good emotions, good energy, and good time" after bad. I told Jessica that healing starts when you take control of your own story, and she was ready to do just that.
The Divorce Process
The process wasn’t easy. Addiction of any kind is difficult to break, but with my support as her dedicated divorce coach, Jessica gradually realized that her well-being mattered. She began setting boundaries and engaging in open communication—not with the expectation that her marriage would suddenly change, but with the commitment to protect her own mental and emotional health.
Jessica eventually made the courageous decision to separate. It was painful, but with divorce coaching by her side, she discovered strength she didn’t know she possessed. She is now rebuilding her life with a sense of clarity and empowerment that seemed impossible before.
Feeling Like "Just Roommates" in Marriage? How to Divorce with Dignity and Reclaim Your Life11/6/2024 One of the most common — yet often hidden — reasons people consider divorce is feeling like they’re "just roommates" with their spouse. There's no abuse, no explosive fights, but there’s also no passion, no connection. Just an unyielding, empty space. For many, this lack of intimacy and excitement brings shame, leaving them questioning if their marriage is truly worth leaving.  But this scenario is more common than you might think. As a divorce coach, I’ve encountered countless individuals grappling with these same feelings, unsure if their situation "counts" as a valid reason for divorce. The truth is, feeling alone in a marriage is not unusual, and you deserve support if you're contemplating such a significant life change. Let’s take a closer look at why this happens, what a divorce coach can do to help, and how my course, "Trail Guide to Divorcing with Dignity," provides a private, comprehensive path forward if you’re ready to take that step. The "Roommate" Cycle: How Marriage Can Drift Toward DisconnectionThe path to feeling like "just roommates" often follows a predictable cycle:
Breaking the Cycle: How Divorce Coaching Can HelpWhat does a Divorce Coach do?
Think of me as your Trail GuideAs a divorce coach, I guide clients to assess whether they’re truly ready for divorce and provide tools to manage the emotional and financial challenges that come with it. In many cases, my clients feel relief knowing that their feelings are not only valid but also shared by others. Divorce coaching can demystify the process, allowing you to make informed decisions without fear or shame. "Trail Guide to Divorcing with Dignity": A Divorce Course That Puts You in Control
How the "Trail Guide to Divorcing with Dignity" Course Can Help:
If You’re Ready, Don’t Wait—Start Planning for Your Future
Prefer to work with a Divorce Coach One on One?“Hire a Bulldog Attorney,” they said. “It’ll be great,” they said. “You need a Bulldog Attorney to fight for you,” they said.  Your Spouse Has Filed For DivorceYou may feel backed up against a wall. The petitions have been filed, and suddenly, it feels like you’re on the defensive, with your spouse already setting the tone of the divorce. That tone can often feel intimidating, even aggressive. Friends and co-workers, with all the best intentions, lean in and say, “I know JUST the divorce attorney for you!” Often, this is followed by, “They’re a real bulldog!” Let’s pause and take a breather, shall we?
Often, ‘bulldog attorneys’ are incredibly expensive. They may have a large office, extensive staff, and an image to uphold. Many people hire them because they feel pressured and desperate. They end up with prolonged, expensive cases without fully understanding what they’re paying for. As a divorce coach in Illinois, I’ve witnessed people (not my clients) having to file bankruptcy after hiring a bulldog attorney because the legal fees got out of control, and often, for a settlement that could have been achieved more smoothly and affordably had they had the guidance of a divorce coach. But, thinking they couldn't afford a divorce coach, they instead took the inexperienced advice of a friend, which in turn cost them tens of thousands of dollars, not to mention, years of stress and a lesser settlement. Bulldog Law Firms Bully Their ClientsWhen things aren't going smoothly and you need guidance, you want an attorney who will explain what is happening and what the next steps are. You DON'T want an attorney who will lecture you and make you feel small. Some Bulldog Attorneys have such large egos that they tell their clients how lucky they are to get to work with them as their attorney. They tell them that if they're not careful, they'll drop them as clients. This adds so much more stress to an already difficult time in life, especially if you've already paid them thousands of dollars! You don’t want a Bulldog Attorney. You want a Border Collie Attorney.
How Divorce Coaching Helps You Find the Right Attorney
Hire the Right Family Law Attorney for You
What Does a Divorce Coach Do?
Need a Divorce but Money is Tight?
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