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Are you wondering if it's the right time to divorce? Many of my clients ask this difficult question: How do you know when it's time to divorce? It's common to feel like there’s always a reason to stay, even when things aren’t working. This is natural—nobody wants to go through a divorce. Despite being emotionally miserable, if you’re otherwise safe, housed, and financially stable, it can be even harder to determine the right path forward.
So, is there ever a "good time" to divorce? The truth is, no. However, there are times that may be easier or make more sense from a practical standpoint when considering the process of divorce. 
Before You Have Kids or When the Kids Are Younger
If you’re in a struggling marriage and don’t have children, having kids will not fix your marriage. Let me repeat--kids will not improve your marriage.
I love my husband and our relationship is strong, but having a baby was incredibly hard. I was hormonal, he was sleep-deprived, and we were both juggling careers. Our son didn’t sleep through the night for a year, and it tested us in ways we never imagined. Having a baby adds stress to even the healthiest of marriages. So if your marriage isn’t in a good place, a child will only amplify the challenges. Don’t make the mistake of thinking a baby will solve the problems in your marriage—it won’t. I’m so grateful that my first husband and I made the choice to divorce before we had children. It allowed us to move forward without being tied to each other for life. If you can see that your marriage isn’t working, making the decision to divorce before having children could spare both of you from further complications down the line. 
If You Have Young Kids, Don't Wait Too Long
If you already have young children and your marriage is clearly over, delaying divorce will likely make things harder. Divorce becomes significantly more complex as kids grow older. Divorce with teenagers can be particularly challenging. Teens often experience big emotions, which can lead to manipulation or even turning one parent against the other. In some cases, teens’ mental health suffers significantly as they struggle to process the changes in their family dynamic.
This isn’t the case for every family, but it is a common issue. If your marriage is over, consider acting sooner rather than later for the sake of your children’s long-term emotional well-being. After You've Tried Marriage Counseling
If you’ve attempted marriage counseling, good for you! Seeking professional help is a responsible and admirable step. However, if counseling (or even individual therapy) hasn’t led to meaningful change, it might be time to consider divorce. Marriage counseling can only work if both partners are willing to put in the effort.
If your spouse refuses to participate in counseling, take that as a clear sign that they aren’t invested in saving the relationship. A marriage can’t survive with only one partner trying, and hoping that things will change is often just a path to prolonged frustration and sadness. If this resonates with you, it might be time to move on. Make sure you have a good support system, and reach out to a professional divorce coach for guidance. 
When You've Tried Everything Else
You’ve done everything in your power to save the marriage. You’ve kept the house a low-stress environment, you’ve worked harder, you’ve made compromises, and you’ve tried to be what your spouse wants. You’ve even gone through marriage counseling, attended church retreats, and sought advice from your pastor. And still—nothing.
If you’ve exhausted all options and your marriage remains loveless, it’s time to accept the truth: You are not the problem. Sometimes, one partner simply isn’t willing or able to invest in the marriage. In some cases, your spouse may not want to file for divorce because they don’t want to damage their reputation. Keeping up appearances can be a form of emotional manipulation—this is gaslighting, and if this sounds familiar, it’s happening to you. At this point, the only option is to prioritize your own well-being. Divorce might not be easy, but staying in a toxic, unloving marriage will only prolong your unhappiness. Still Not Sure If It's Time To Divorce?
Knowing the right time to divorce isn’t easy, but recognizing the signs that it’s time to let go is a critical step in your personal growth and well-being. If you’re struggling with this decision, divorce coaching can help. I provide divorce coaching services designed to support you through every stage of the process. Send a message to me and let's talk through your next best steps.
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"Throwing in the Towel"
"Giving Up on a Good Thing" "Walking Away from Marriage" "Marriage is Hard Work… You Just Need to Try Harder!" 
All of these phrases get used by people who don’t understand why a couple decides to divorce. As a divorce coach, I often hear these comments from clients whose friends and family are completely blindsided by their decision to separate. It’s already a challenging time for anyone going through divorce, but it becomes even harder when others question or judge your decision.
Not only are we working through our own emotions during a divorce, but we often find ourselves managing the emotions of those around us—family members, friends, even acquaintances. My clients frequently share that they’re put in the difficult spot of either revealing the private struggles in their marriage to justify their divorce or keeping quiet and facing judgment, because "surely things aren't that bad." Even when clients end up choosing to explain, they are often accused of exaggerating or lying. It’s a no-win situation. I deeply wish people outside the marriage would stop insisting on understanding a divorce in such detail. Divorce is hard enough without having to justify it to others. Here’s why this is so problematic:1. It’s None of Their Business
Let’s start with the basics: your divorce is your business. Period.
Just recently, one of my clients shared how their friend group had taken a very toxic stance on the divorce, blocking them on social media and refusing to hear their side of the story. While the divorce had originally been mutual and amicable, the added tension from friends was causing the situation to become hostile. This client’s spouse, who had been reasonable at the start, was now becoming difficult to work with. This will now un-necessarily cost the couple more money in legal fees and time, not to mention, added emotional strain. All because some, albeit close, outsiders think they need to understand a personal issue between two people. Another personal example: When I was going through my own divorce, I was out with some friends when a woman I had just met learned about my situation. She became wildly upset with me, saying I was making a stupid decision and couldn’t understand why I would get divorced. Imagine meeting someone for the first time and they start lecturing you on one of the most personal and intense decisions of your life! Back then, I felt the need to justify myself. Now, as a divorce coach, I coach my clients to be prepared for this sort of reaction and not feel obligated to explain their deeply personal choices. 2. Protecting Your Spouse's Image
This is a tough one. Many marriages end due to sensitive issues like addiction (pornography, drugs, alcohol), mental health struggles, or childhood trauma. Even in these cases, people often still care about their spouse and want to protect their image, even if the marriage itself isn’t salvageable.
During my own divorce, a customer at my workplace asked me out of the blue, “Why are you getting a divorce?” I was floored. It was an extremely personal question, and completely inappropriate for a professional setting. Had I revealed the private details of my marriage to him, it could have spread throughout our small town. Instead, I gave a generic answer and quickly changed the subject. 3. It’s Too Complex to Explain
Some divorces take years or even decades to unfold. Marriages can deteriorate over time, with both partners trying everything from marriage counseling to open relationships, only to find that they simply can’t stay together. These couples may seem happy on the outside, but inside, they’ve reached a point of hopelessness.
These types of divorces are the hardest for outsiders to understand. “There’s no abuse, so why are they divorcing?” “They still love each other, so why split up?” “They look so happy on Facebook!” But no one really sees the years of struggle, the emotional distance, and the attempts to repair what is broken. To outsiders, it may seem like the couple is "throwing in the towel," but in reality, it’s years of irreparable damage. What Can You Do?
If someone you care about is going through a divorce, you don’t need to know all the details. Offer your support by simply saying, “I’m here for you if you need to talk,” and respect their privacy. Helping them in practical ways, like taking them to dinner or helping with errands, can make a world of difference. Divorce is a form of grief, even for those who choose it.
If you are the one going through a divorce and feel pressured to explain, I recommend using a "grey rock" response to deflect intrusive questions. For example, “Thank you for your concern, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing that.” Having a prepared response can help you maintain your boundaries and avoid being caught off guard. Have You Experienced This?
How have you handled intrusive questions about your divorce? Or, have you ever found yourself surprised by someone else’s divorce and felt compelled to understand? Share your thoughts below.
XO- Katie 
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